JokesLab Funniest Jokes

Relative by marriage

Posted on November 15, 2011 by JokesLab

A husband and wife drove for miles in silence after a terrible argument in which neither would budge. The husband pointed to a mule in a pasture. "Relative of yours?" he asked. "Yes," she replied. "By marriage."

Cough cure

Posted on November 14, 2011 by JokesLab

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last. Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their ...

Posted in Hospital Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Veterinarian Jokes | Tagged boss, cough, drug, drugstore, ex-lax, salesman | Leave a comment

Blonde and Cop

Posted on November 14, 2011 by JokesLab

One day this cop pulls over a blonde for speeding. The cop gets out of his car and asks the blonde for her license. ''You cops should get it together. One day you take away my license and the next day you ask me to show it.''

Posted in Blonde Jokes, Car Jokes, People Jokes | Tagged blonde, brain, car, driving, license, police | Leave a comment

Male & female brains

Posted on November 11, 2011 by JokesLab

One day a group of husbands and wives went to a scientific program. The doctor there was showing them brains from real people and telling how expensive it would be to buy one. He said it was five million dollars for a female brain and ten million dollars for a male brain. The men snickered, thinking ...

Posted in Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Science Jokes | Tagged brain, doctor, expensive, female, husband, male, money, wife | Leave a comment

Hermaphrodite

Posted on November 11, 2011 by JokesLab

A woman gives birth to a baby and afterward the doctor comes into the room and says, ''I have something to tell you about your child...'' The woman slowly sits up with a worried look on her face and says, ''What's wrong with it?'' The doctor says, ''There's nothing really wrong with it, it's just a little ...

Posted in Family Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes | Tagged baby, birth, brain, doctor, hermaphrodite, hospital, penis | Leave a comment

Women’s English

Posted on November 10, 2011 by JokesLab

"Yes" = No "No" = Yes "Maybe" = No "I'm sorry." = You'll be sorry "We need" = I want "It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now. "Do what you want" = You'll pay for this later. "We need to talk" = I need to complain. "Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to. "I'm not upset" = ...

Posted in Office Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Top 10 List | Tagged boy friend, english, girl friend, husband, language, wife, woman, words | Leave a comment

How much should I drink?

Posted on November 9, 2011 by JokesLab

A man walks into a bar, sits down on a bench and orders a cold one. He swigs down the beer, looks in his pocket, cringes and orders another. He gulps down that one, looks in his pocket again, cringes and orders yet another one. This goes on for at least an hour and ...

Posted in Bar Jokes, Family Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Restaurant Jokes | Tagged bar, beer, home, wife | 1 Comment

Good and bad

Posted on November 8, 2011 by JokesLab

"Did ya hear I got married?" "Oh, that's good." "No, that's bad! She's ugly!" "Oh, that's bad." "No, that's good! She's rich." "Oh, that's good!" "No, that's bad! She won't give me a cent." "Oh, that's bad." "No, that's good! She bought me servants and a big house" "Oh, that's good." "No, that's bad! The house burnt down." "Oh, that's bad." "No, that's good! She was in ...

Posted in Family Jokes, Office Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Short Q & A | Tagged fire, house, husband, marriage, money, wife | Leave a comment

Final confession

Posted on November 7, 2011 by JokesLab

Brittany was on her deathbed with her husband Adam at her side. "Honey, I need to make a confession.'' whimpered Brittany groggily, "I slept with your brother, your cousin, and your father.'' ''It's okay, Sweetie. I know," replied Adam as he wiped the tears from Brittany's cheek, "Why do you think I poisoned ...

Posted in Family Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes | Tagged brother, confession, death, father, husband, posion, sex, wife | Leave a comment

I love hearing it

Posted on November 7, 2011 by JokesLab

A guy phones a law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist says, "I'm sorry, but your lawyer died last week." The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." Once again the receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but your lawyer died ...

Posted in Lawyer Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes | Tagged die, lawyer, office, receptionist, telephone | Leave a comment

Romantic food

Posted on November 6, 2011 by JokesLab

Joe was not a very romantic person, and furthermore he was rather stupid. But he wanted to impress his wife, so he took her out for an anniversary dinner and watched the couples around them, following their leads. He observed the couple next to him. The man lifted a sugar shaker towards his wife's cup and ...

Posted in Family Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Restaurant Jokes | Tagged anniversary, dinner, ham, honey, husband, pig, restaurant, romantic, sugar, wife | Leave a comment

Signal man’s test

Posted on November 5, 2011 by JokesLab

Funny-expressway-parking-only-seen-in-USA

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?" Tom says, "I would ...

Posted in Office Jokes, People Jokes | Tagged crash, interview, job, level, signal, train | Leave a comment

Job interview cheat

Posted on November 3, 2011 by JokesLab

Young Boudreaux applied for an engineering job way, way up north in Shreveport. A local man applied for the same job and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the department manager. Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one question. The manager went up to Boudreaux and ...

Posted in Campus Jokes, Office Jokes | Tagged answer, cheat, interview, job, manager, test | Leave a comment

Suicidal Blonde

Posted on November 1, 2011 by JokesLab

One day a blonde finds out from her friend that her boyfriend is cheating on her. So one day she goes out to the mall and buys a gun. After that she goes to her boyfriend's house. She busts down the door and points the gun at her head. "What are you doing?'' ...

Posted in Blonde Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes | Tagged bed, blonde, boy friend, door, gun, sex, suicide | Leave a comment

Engineer and manager

Posted on October 31, 2011 by JokesLab

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The woman below replied, "You are ...

Posted in Office Jokes, People Jokes | Tagged engineer, friend, hot air ballon, manager, woman | Leave a comment

Funeral arrangements

Posted on October 30, 2011 by JokesLab

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been. "Sidney thought of everything," she told them. "Just before he died, Sidney called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes. 'Tillie,' he told me, 'I have put all my last ...

Posted in Family Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes | Tagged casket, diamond, funeral, gasket, husband, stone, widow, wife | Leave a comment

Justification for child custody

Posted on October 27, 2011 by JokesLab

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked ...

Posted in Family Jokes, Lawyer Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes | Tagged child, court, custody, divorce, marriage | Leave a comment

Woman’s Intelligence

Posted on October 26, 2011 by JokesLab

One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so. The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river." *Poof!* God gave him big arms ...

Posted in Church and God Jokes, Holiday Jokes, Hotel and Travel Jokes, Miscellaneous Jokes, People Jokes | Tagged boat, bridge, God, hike, intelligent, man, map, river, woman | Leave a comment

Tail Light on Bike

Posted on October 23, 2011 by JokesLab

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light. Next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you've got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid said, "Yeah." The cop said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a taillight on ...

Posted in Animal Jokes, People Jokes | Tagged bike, child, Christmas, dick, police, Santa, traffic ticket | Leave a comment

I am admiring my new boots

Posted on October 22, 2011 by JokesLab

An attractive woman was browsing in an exclusive New York shoe store when a pair of boots caught her eye. She immediately fell in love with them, but was put off by the $950 price tag. Seeing her dilemma, the store owner came over and whispered in her ear: "If you let me have sex with you, ...

Posted in New York Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes | Tagged boot, owner, sex, shoes, woman | Leave a comment

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