Tag Archives: man

Not my dog

hot-dog-mating-monkey

There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch. ”Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?” a tourist asked. The old man looked up over his newspaper and … Continue reading

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Top 10 reasons why cats are small women in fur coat

Top 10 reasons why cats are small women in fur coat

1. Cats do what they want, when they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They’re totally unpredictable. 4. They whine when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play they want to be left alone. 6. … Continue reading

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Help me get this human out of my ass

Help me get this human out of my ass

A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, “May I help you, sir?” The duck says, “Yeah. Help me get this human out of my ass.”

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Relationship guide

Relationship guide

For all you guys out there who just can’t figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes … Continue reading

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Mother in law

Mother in law

A man’s house is on fire. He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside. Then he runs back in and gets is daughter and brings her outside. Then his wife. Then the dog. … Continue reading

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The fruits of love

The fruits of love

A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and they had not been seen for 5 days. An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were … Continue reading

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Top 10 differences between man and woman

curious-man-studying-girls-buttocks

1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. 2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow … Continue reading

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Therapy

funny-erection-due-to-two-girls

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males … Continue reading

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Translating male phrases

wine-baby-feeding

“I’m going fishing.” Really means… “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.” “It’s a guy thing.” Really means…. “There is no … Continue reading

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The eve of creation

checking-boobs

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem!” “What’s the problem, Eve?” God asks her. “Lord,” she says, “I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all … Continue reading

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The lost chapter in Genesis

yes-buttocks

Adam was walking around the garden of Eden, moping. So God asked him, “What is wrong with you?” Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that … Continue reading

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Smarter man

drunken-girl

Three men were walking down a street and found a bottle laying on the side of the road. They picked it up and a genie popped out. The genie said, ”You will each get one wish.” The first man wished … Continue reading

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Brain transplant

A patient needed a brain transplant and the doctor told the family, ”Brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves.” ”Well, how much does a brain cost?” asked the relatives. ”For a male brain, $500,000. … Continue reading

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Why do men sit with their legs wide open?

kim-jong-un-holding-durex

Q: Why do men sit with their legs wide open? A: So their brains can breathe.

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Men and diapers

funny-guy-with-girl-on-thighs

Why are men like diapers? They are always on my ass and full of shit – thank goodness they’re disposable!

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Intelligent comments

geek-girl-push-the-right-button

How do you know when a man’s going to say something intelligent? He starts his sentence with ”A woman told me…”

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Beer and female hormones

funny-When-you-drink-too-much

“Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains large traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and … Continue reading

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The perfect man

funny-gorilla-enjoying-the-breast

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. “The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. … Continue reading

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Chemistry men & women

crazy-guy-checking-girls-breast

Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50) Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily.  Fairly dense and sometimes flaky.Difficult to find a pure sample.  Due to rust, aging samples are unable … Continue reading

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Feel like a woman

girls-fishing-with-bra

I’m sitting on this plane, eating my dinner, when all of a sudden the captain comes on the loudspeaker and tells us that the plane is about to crash land into the mountains. The next thing I know this woman … Continue reading

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