JokesLab Funniest Jokes

Butterfly

Posted on December 24, 2014 by JokesLab

Why did the moron throw the butter out the window? He wanted to see a butterfly.

Posted in Animal Jokes, Short Q & A | Tagged animal, butterfly, Moron | Leave a comment

There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch. ''Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?'' a tourist asked. The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, ''Nope.'' As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and ...

Posted in Animal Jokes, Hotel and Travel Jokes | Tagged bite, dog, hound, man, newspaper, traveller | Leave a comment

Gift for mother-in-law

Posted on December 10, 2014 by JokesLab

Two guys were talking at work. "I’ve got a problem," said the first one. "What is it?" "My wife has done it to me again. I’m supposed to buy my mother-in-law a present for her birthday, from the two of us. And, I am fresh out of ideas. I mean, it’s HER mother, why can’t she buy it?" "What ...

Posted in Birthday Jokes, Family Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes | Tagged birthday, cemetery plot, gift, husband, mother-in-law, wife | Leave a comment

Four men and their dogs

Posted on December 4, 2014 by JokesLab

Four men, an Engineer, an Accountant, a Chemist and a Government Worker were bragging about how smart their dogs were. To show off, the Engineer called to his dog and said, "T-Square, do your stuff." T- square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square and ...

Posted in Animal Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes | Tagged accountant, animal, chemist, dog, engineer, government worker, milk, refrigerator | Leave a comment

Season pass

Posted on November 25, 2014 by JokesLab

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will ...

Posted in Campus Jokes, Kids Jokes | Tagged boy, campus, dormitory, fine, girl, student | Leave a comment

Tight Dress

Posted on November 21, 2014 by JokesLab

As the bus pulled up, Angie realized she was going to have a difficult time getting on. Her dress was too tight for her to step up, her hands were full of packages, and the line of people behind her did not seem to be in a charitable mood. She realized that the best thing to ...

Posted in Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes | Tagged bus, tight dress, zipper | Leave a comment

Computer gender

Posted on November 12, 2014 by JokesLab

Women claim that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because: In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem. As soon as you commit to one, you ...

Posted in Campus Jokes, Computer Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Top 10 List | Tagged accessory, computer, data, female, gender, language, male, sex | Leave a comment

Woman’s age

Posted on November 5, 2014 by JokesLab

Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way. Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks her husband ...

Posted in Family Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Your Momma Jokes | Tagged age, cosmetics, hair, husband, mirror, skin, wife, woman | Leave a comment

Microsoft tech drafted

Posted on November 2, 2014 by JokesLab

One of Microsoft Network's finest support techs was drafted into the Army and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instructions, handed a rifle, and a couple rounds of ammo. He loaded the rifle and fired several shots at the target which was fifty yards away. The report came from the target ...

Posted in Computer Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes | Tagged army, finger, Microsoft, network, rifle, tech support | Leave a comment

French horn

Posted on October 27, 2014 by JokesLab

A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?" "Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all." The next night she went out with a tuba ...

Posted in Campus Jokes, Music Jokes | Tagged date, horn, kiss, music, roommate, trumpet, tuba | Leave a comment

Smart Dog

Posted on October 24, 2014 by JokesLab

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages ...

Posted in Animal Jokes, People Jokes | Tagged animal, butcher, dog, sausage | Leave a comment

Fight between the musicians

Posted on October 15, 2014 by JokesLab

funny-guy-exposing-buttocks-in-girls-group-photo

At a concert hall one night, the stage manager comes across an oboe player and a viola player having a fight. He breaks the fight up and asks what the fight was about. The oboe player says, "He broke my reed! I was just about to play my big solo when he broke my reed!" "Well?" says the ...

Posted in Music Jokes | Tagged fight, manager, music, musician | Leave a comment

Life pattern

Posted on October 10, 2014 by JokesLab

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to God’s kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: "Don’t." "Don’t what?" Adam asked. "Don’t eat the Forbidden Fruit." God replied. "Forbidden fruit? We got ...

Posted in Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes, Your Momma Jokes | Tagged Adam, apple, child, Eve, God | Leave a comment

Just fake it

Posted on October 1, 2014 by JokesLab

A violist and a cellist were standing on a sinking ship together. "Help!" cried the cellist, "I can’t swim!" "Don’t worry," said the violist, "just fake it."

Posted in Music Jokes, People Jokes | Tagged cellist, ship, swim, violin | Leave a comment

Sandy was drinking at a pub

Posted on September 23, 2014 by JokesLab

funny-who-deserves-what-for-a-bicycle-fan

Sandy was drinking at a pub all night. When he got up to leave, he fell flat on his face. He tried to stand again, but to no avail, falling flat on his face. He decided to crawl outside and get some fresh air to see whether that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood ...

Posted in Bar Jokes, Family Jokes, People Jokes | Tagged bar, bed, drink, sleep, wheelchair, wife | Leave a comment

Texan with a new car

Posted on September 19, 2014 by JokesLab

Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. "I know that smart aleck Tex," said the first. "He’s going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back." "Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "He’ll always be just a good ol’ boy. When he walks in, I’m sure all ...

Posted in Car Jokes, Country Jokes, People Jokes, Texas Jokes | Tagged bar, car, cowboy, friend, Texas | Leave a comment

A rare book

Posted on September 11, 2014 by JokesLab

A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it. "Not Gutenberg?" Gasped the collector. "Yes, that was it!" "You did it! You’ve thrown away one of the first books ever ...

Posted in Miscellaneous Jokes, People Jokes | Tagged Bible, book, collector, money | Leave a comment

Red Cross

Posted on September 5, 2014 by JokesLab

Mr. Jacobson decided to take a week off from the pressures of the office and went skiing. Alas, no sooner did he reach the slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling: moments later a sheet of snow came crashing toward him. Fortunately, Mr. Jacobson was able to jump into a cave just before the avalanche hit. ...

Posted in Holiday Jokes, Office Jokes | Tagged donation, office, red cross, rescue, ski, traveller | Leave a comment

A loyal wife

Posted on August 28, 2014 by JokesLab

funny-shit-slogan-i-will-not-love-you-long-time

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I ...

Posted in Family Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes | Tagged casket, check, husband, money, wife | Leave a comment

Indian weather prediction

Posted on August 20, 2014 by JokesLab

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he could not tell what the heck ...

Posted in Country Jokes, Office Jokes, Science Jokes | Tagged Indian, weather, winter, wood | Leave a comment

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