Tag Archives: car

Shoot the pig

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A farmhand is driving ’round the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, “Boss, I’ve got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he’s stuck in the bull-bars of my … Continue reading

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Road sign for Disneyand

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Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: “Disneyland Left.” So they went home.

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Best excuse for speeding

dude-you-will-get-three-mother-in-laws

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped … Continue reading

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Bug’s end

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Q: What’s the last thing that goes through a bugs mind when it hits your windshield? A: It’s ass.

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How are you feeling?

why-dog-is-better-than-boy-friend

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. “Didn’t you say, at the scene … Continue reading

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One good deed

funny-erection

A guy just died and he’s at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafin’ through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy. St. Peter goes through the Book several times and furrows … Continue reading

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Parrot talk

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One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a parrot. He found one that he liked and went up to the counter to buy it. The store clerk saw which parrot he had picked out and said, … Continue reading

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Horse power

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An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny. The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull … Continue reading

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Third wish

funny-double-deck-car

This guy was walking along the beach in Malibu when he came across this salt-encrusted piece of metal. He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold it was a very old oil lamp. The … Continue reading

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Rednecks’ dogs

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Q: Why do rednecks’ dogs have flat noses? A: From chasing parked cars…

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Blonde and Cop

funny-blonde-parking

One day this cop pulls over a blonde for speeding. The cop gets out of his car and asks the blonde for her license. ”You cops should get it together. One day you take away my license and the next … Continue reading

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How was your date last night, Billy?

funny-blonde-parking-2

“How was your date last night, Billy?” his friend asked. “Fabulous. We went to the concert, had a bite to eat, and then we drove around for a while until I found a nice dark spot to park. I asked … Continue reading

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Cowboy Joe

funny-fat-panties

Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church. “When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral,” Joe began. “You mean the parking lot,” … Continue reading

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Would you remarry?

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A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question…. * WIFE: “What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?” o HUSBAND: “Definitely not!” * … Continue reading

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Democrats vs Republicans

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Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group. Republicans consume three-fourths of all the rutabaga produced in this country. The remainder is thrown out. Republicans usually wear … Continue reading

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The intelligent car radio

funny-lady-parking

A lady bought a new $100,000 Mercedes and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around … Continue reading

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I would have gotten out today

man-and-woman-before-marriage

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He … Continue reading

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Four sons

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Four guys went golfing; one went in the clubhouse to pay while the others waited at the first tee. One of the guys says, “I’m so proud of my son. He is a stock broker and he’s made enough that … Continue reading

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Essential desert objects

A judge was punishing three men because they had committed a crime. Their sentence was a few years in the desert. He said that they could each take one thing with them. The first guy decides to take an umbrella, … Continue reading

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Donuts

A cop pulls over a guy. “Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking?” “Gee, officer,” the man says. “Your eyes are awfully glazed — have you been eating doughnuts?”

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