Category Archives: Texas Jokes

Texan with a new car

funny-car-beast

Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. “I know that smart aleck Tex,” said the first. “He’s going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back.” “Not Tex,” the second cowboy … Continue reading

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A bet

a bet

Bob is a regular guy and he is out at a local bar one night having a good time. Jack, the bartender and owner of the bar, offered him another drink and as he did Bob spoke up. ‘Hey Jack, … Continue reading

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He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!

He

70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you … Continue reading

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Closed for the winter

Closed for the winter, blonde couple

Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? They went to see ”Closed for the Winter”.

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No nuts is an advantage

mans-problem-in-emergency

A retired US Marine was looking for a new job. He finally found one that appealed to his interests. At the interview, he was asked, “Do you have any military experience?” The Marine replied, “Why, yes! I’ve been in the … Continue reading

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Mrs. Jones, do you know me?

funny-revenge-pee-to-your-neighbours-car

A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial — a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. … Continue reading

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An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman

kim-jong-un-holding-durex

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps … Continue reading

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Not a flight instructor?

bikini-girl-on-beach

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire. The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an … Continue reading

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Doctor’s orders

funny-woman-on-beach

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, your … Continue reading

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Translating male phrases

wine-baby-feeding

“I’m going fishing.” Really means… “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.” “It’s a guy thing.” Really means…. “There is no … Continue reading

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Eye examination

checking-boyfriend-bird

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over … Continue reading

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Bad news

buttocks-shot

Doctor: Well, I have good news and bad news. Patient: Go with the good news first. Doctor: You have 24 hours to live. Patient: What?! How about the bad news? Doctor: I forgot to call you yesterday.

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Buying TV

sexy-wife-in-kitchen

A blonde walks into an appliance store, and asks to buy a television set. “Sorry,” says the owner. “We don’t allow blondes in here.” The blonde leaves and dyes her hair brown. The next day, she returns and asks to … Continue reading

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Last requests for blonde, brunette and redhead

bikini-girls-club

Three women are about to be executed. One’s a brunette, one’s a redhead and one’s a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, … Continue reading

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Other side

sexy-bikini-girl-fishing

Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake. “How do I get to the other side?” “Duh! You ARE on the other side!”

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Blonde working at Starbucks

sexy-wife-in-kitchen

A blonde is working at the local Starbucks. A lady walks in and orders an Iced Cappuccino. ”Do you want it hot or cold?”

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Bush, Einstein and Picasso

5-us-presidents-funny-obama-over-bush

When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn’t let him in until he proved his identity. Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise. And when Picasso died, St. Peter … Continue reading

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Salesman

buttocks-shot

The manager of a megastore came to check on his new salesman. “How many customers did you serve today?” the manager asked. “One,” replied the new guy. “Only one?” said the boss, “how much was the sale?” The salesman answered, … Continue reading

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Where’s my Rolex?

Dmitry-Medvedev-got-faked-jacket

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver’s side … Continue reading

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Definition of crying shame

5-us-presidents-funny-obama-over-bush

Q: What is the definition “lucky break?” A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff. Q: What is the definition of a “crying shame”? A: There was an empty seat.

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