Category Archives: Family Jokes

How to please your mother with your girl friend?

date-stamp-no-need-to-ask-age

“What am I supposed to do?” a young man looking to get married asked his friend. “Every woman I bring home to meet my parents,my mother doesn’t like.” “Oh, that’s easy,” his pal replied. “All you have to do is … Continue reading

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Online banking

nerd-screte-operation

TECH: Hello, Friendly Internet. May I help you? CUSTOMER: Oh, hello young man. I was wondering if you offer online banking? TECH: We’re an Internet service provider, ma’am. You can certainly use our service to connect to online banking. CUSTOMER: … Continue reading

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Feel like a new born baby

bad-kid-drinking-smoking

Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, ’’How do you really feel? I mean, you’re 75 years old, how do you honestly feel?’’ ’’Honestly, I feel like a … Continue reading

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A great surprise

shit-slogan-fbi-female-body-inspector

A ret ired man went to a doctor for a general check-up. The doctor told the retiree that everything was fine and that, in fact, he was”in real good shape for a man of 93.” “That’s good to know because … Continue reading

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No undies

funny-dog-staring-at-thong-falling-woman

The Englishman’s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. “Good God, woman! Why aren’t you wearing any knickers?” … Continue reading

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Would you remarry?

condom-ads-crosswords

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question…. * WIFE: “What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?” o HUSBAND: “Definitely not!” * … Continue reading

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Before and after marriage

reality-sucks

Before marriage: He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait. She: Do you want me to leave? He: NO! Don’t even think about it. She: Do you love me? He: Of course! She: Have you ever cheated on … Continue reading

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Rosebuds

scooby-wow-sexy-girl

There was a young woman who lived with her grandmother. One night the granddaughter came bouncing down the stairs dressed to go out to a party wearing a see through blouse without a bra. Her grandmother told her to go … Continue reading

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Adam and Eve

save-a-virgin-do-me-instead

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. “You’re running around with other women,” she told her mate. “Eve, honey, you’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded. “You know you’re the only woman on earth.” The quarrel … Continue reading

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Valentine’s day dream

photo-bomb-horse-face

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight.” he said. … Continue reading

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The Chinese virgins

funny-photo-in-china

A young Chinese couple gets married. She’s a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn’t know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He … Continue reading

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Making a cake

wedding photo, mating dogs

A boy and his Chinese family went to the zoo, and they saw two monkeys having sex. The boy asked “What are they doing?” The parents replied “Making a cake.” On the way home, they saw two poodles having sex. … Continue reading

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Code word for sex

i-fucked-you

A husband and wife decided they needed to use “code” to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter. One day the husband told his five year old … Continue reading

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A father’s last request

funny-tear-off-my-number-on skirt

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short. The father eventually … Continue reading

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I married into the family of pigs..

funny-lion-horse-ride

A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband … Continue reading

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How to keep the marriage, and save money

funny-pose-i-catchp-the-bird

As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband’s ranch. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband NEVER to touch it. For fifty long years Uncle Jack … Continue reading

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what the new year looks like

funny-how-to-lift-baby

A family of three where sitting next to the TV watching the countdown for the new year. The two brothers (one 7 the other 5) cheered when the countdown had finished. The youngest one raced to the nearest window to … Continue reading

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Guessing

funny details of a model, breast only

Once there was a family who was given some venison by a friend. The wife cooked up the deer steaks, and served it to the husband and children. The husband thought it would be fun to have the children guess … Continue reading

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Future Irish mother-in-law

horse face and a lady

This young Dublin fella comes home all excited to tell his ma he’s fallen in love and going to get married. He says: “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over three women and you just try and guess … Continue reading

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I would have gotten out today

man-and-woman-before-marriage

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He … Continue reading

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