Category Archives: Family Jokes

A reasonable wife

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After being married for 30 years, a man took a look at his wife and said, “Honey, do you realize 30 years ago, I had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a pull out bed and watched a … Continue reading

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Four sons

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Four guys went golfing; one went in the clubhouse to pay while the others waited at the first tee. One of the guys says, “I’m so proud of my son. He is a stock broker and he’s made enough that … Continue reading

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The ritual

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A woman is preparing Sunday dinner, as she has always done since she got married. Every Sunday they have boiled chicken and her daughter, now a teenager, is entrusted to assist. “Mum,” her daughter asks, “why do you use two … Continue reading

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Child Custody

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A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she … Continue reading

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God is doing a better job now

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa’s lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled. Finally … Continue reading

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Stayin’ alive

A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life. He said, “You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you’ll live to a nice ripe old age.” So the cowboy did this religiously … Continue reading

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Top 10 worst things to say at a funeral

11) I’m spiking the punch at the reception. That’ll liven things up! 10) Hey! Did I just see the dead guy move? 9) Hey, this is the first time Grandpa’s been stiff in twenty years! 8) The sonofabitch is lucky … Continue reading

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Penis demands a raise

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: * I do physical labor * I work at great depths * I work head first * I do not get weekends off or public holidays * … Continue reading

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The most venomous snake

The Most Venomous Snake In The World NAME: “Expecteria Trouserius” (Trouser Snake) LOCATION: Throughout the world DESCRIPTION: One-eyed, with mushroom-shaped head (other types come with extra layers of skin) Varying from pink to black. Fang-less with a highly venomous spit. … Continue reading

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Is that all we have left?

A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the … Continue reading

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Deaf couple signalling for sex

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Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can’t see each other using sign language. After several nights … Continue reading

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The new number

After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend’s new telephone number, I dialed him and got a woman. “Is Robert there?” I asked. “Here’s in the shower,” she responded. “Please tell him his girlfriend called,” I said and hung up. When … Continue reading

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He’s just a common tater!

One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner. Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal,the eldest daughter spoke up. “Mother Potato?” she said. “I have an announcement to make.” “And what might that be?” said Mother, … Continue reading

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How’s married life?

John, an avant-garde painter, got married. Someone asked the bride a few weeks after the wedding, “How’s married life, Helen?” “It’s great,” she answered. “My husband paints, I cook; then we try to guess what he painted and what I … Continue reading

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Goodbye, mother!

Walking through a supermarket, a young man noticed an old lady following him around. He ignored her for a while, but when he got to the checkout line, she got in front of him. “Pardon me,” she said. “I’m sorry … Continue reading

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For the Sick

A little 9 year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. “Mommy” she said, ” Can we leave now?” “No.” her mother replied. “Well, I think I have to throw up!” “Well, then go … Continue reading

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A death in the blonde’s family

One day, a blonde’s neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little … Continue reading

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Buried at Sea

This elderly Newfoundland fisherman is on his deathbed and summons his 3 sons to his bedside. “Well boys, the time is near, and when I pass I’d like to be buried at sea.” So the boys agreed. A few days … Continue reading

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Wrong number

It’s Saturday morning and Bob’s just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob … Continue reading

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The blonde hostess

Why did the blonde have empty beer cans in her fridge? For people who don’t drink.

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