JokesLab Funniest Jokes

Goose & lawyer

Posted on May 30, 2012 by JokesLab

Q: What can a goose do, that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do? A: Stick his bill up his ass.

Posted in Lawyer Jokes, Short Q & A | Tagged ass, bill, goose, lawyer | Leave a comment

Once there was a blonde driving home from work when she saw a sheep farm. She stops and asks the farmer if she can have a sheep. The farmer says "If you can count all my sheep I'll let you have any one you want." The blonde looks around her for a moment and says, "You ...

Posted in Animal Jokes, Blonde Jokes, Hotel and Travel Jokes, People Jokes, Texas Jokes | Tagged blonde, dog, driving, farmer, sheep | Leave a comment

Return the bird dog

Posted on May 29, 2012 by JokesLab

Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were eager to try it out for themselves. They had read that a bird dog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so they decided to go to the pet shop and buy one. They asked for a well-trained bird dog, and got one. The two blondes ...

Posted in Animal Jokes, Blonde Jokes, Sports Jokes | Tagged animal, bird, blonde, dog, hunting, pet | Leave a comment

Fish hit a wall

Posted on May 28, 2012 by JokesLab

What did the fish say when he hit a wall? Dam!

Posted in Animal Jokes, Kids Jokes, Science Jokes, Short Q & A | Tagged dam, fish, wall, water | Leave a comment

The other side

Posted on May 28, 2012 by JokesLab

Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear. One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his breakfast of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It was ...

Posted in Animal Jokes, Campus Jokes, Kids Jokes | Tagged animal, bear, berry, fruit, Nile River, rabbit | Leave a comment

Laughing blonde

Posted on May 27, 2012 by JokesLab

How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday? Tell her a joke on Friday.

Posted in Blonde Jokes, Short Q & A | Tagged blonde, Friday, joke, laugh, Monday | Leave a comment

Flighty Blonde

Posted on May 26, 2012 by JokesLab

What did the blonde say when the airplane began to shake? Must be an earthquake!

Posted in Blonde Jokes | Tagged airplane, blonde, earthquake | Leave a comment

If men ruled the world

Posted on May 25, 2012 by JokesLab

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you." Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards. If your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in ...

Posted in Family Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Valentine's Day Jokes | Tagged beer, game, girl, girl friend, man, resume, rule, telephone, Valentine's day | 1 Comment

Guess the number of melons

Posted on May 25, 2012 by JokesLab

This blonde was walking down a road, when this guy came along. The blonde was carrying a bag. The guy goes, ''What are you carrying?'' She goes, ''Melons.'' The guy goes, ''Cool. if I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?'' The blonde giggles and goes, ''If you can guess how many ...

Posted in Blonde Jokes, People Jokes | Tagged bag, blonde, guess, melon, street | Leave a comment

Men and Women

Posted on May 24, 2012 by JokesLab

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe; I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts; I can get where I want to -- north, south, east or west. I don't get wasted after only 2 ...

Posted in Family Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes | Tagged beer, breast, club, diet, man, penis, woman | Leave a comment

Open a beer

Posted on May 23, 2012 by JokesLab

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it to you.

Posted in Bar Jokes, Restaurant Jokes, Short Q & A | Tagged beer, man, waitress, woman | Leave a comment

Hold this stuff for a while

Posted on May 23, 2012 by JokesLab

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says: ''I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'' The husband says, ''WHAT??'' The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband ...

Posted in Family Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes | Tagged clothes, husband, sex, shoes, shopping, wife | Leave a comment

Rejected

Posted on May 22, 2012 by JokesLab

These three married couples died and when they got to the pearly gates. St.Peter told the first husband, “I can't let you in. You let alcohol run your life. You even married a girl named Sherry.” Dejected, he turned and walked away. The next married couple stepped up, and St.Peter told the husband, “Can't let you in sir. ...

Posted in Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes | Tagged beer, heaven, husband, marriage, money, St. Peter, wife | Leave a comment

Why women wear white on their wedding day?

Posted on May 21, 2012 by JokesLab

Why do women wear white on their wedding day? All major kitchen appliances come in white.

Posted in Family Jokes, Holiday Jokes, Office Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Short Q & A | Tagged kitchen, marriage, wedding, woman | Leave a comment

Tennis balls

Posted on May 21, 2012 by JokesLab

One day while jogging, a man noticed two tennis balls lying by the side of the road. He picked the balls up, put them in his pocket and proceeded on his way. Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blonde standing next to him and smiling. "What are those big ...

Posted in Blonde Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Sports Jokes, Texas Jokes | Tagged ball, blonde, elbow, tennis | Leave a comment

Blondes on blonde jokes

Posted on May 20, 2012 by JokesLab

hilarious-weird-and-sexy-t-shirts-design

Why do blondes like blonde jokes? It makes them feel popular.

Posted in Blonde Jokes, Short Q & A | Tagged blonde, joke, popular | Leave a comment

Blonde suicide

Posted on May 19, 2012 by JokesLab

A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off. “How did this happen?” the doctor asked. “Well I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied. “Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?” “No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, ‘I just paid $6,000 ...

Posted in Blonde Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Office Jokes, Police Jokes | Tagged blonde, breast, doctor, ear, finger, gun, suicide, tooth | Leave a comment

Blonde killing fish

Posted on May 18, 2012 by JokesLab

How does a blonde kill a fish? She tries to drown it!

Posted in Animal Jokes, Blonde Jokes | Tagged blonde, drown, fish, water | Leave a comment

Where are you going to find a lawyer in the heaven?

Posted on May 18, 2012 by JokesLab

There was a construction worker who was working on a building when he fell 15 stories to his bloody death. He arrived at the pearly gates and St. Peter said ''Oh, I am sorry, my son. But you have been sentenced to hell. The worker agreed -- not like he could do anything else -- and ...

Posted in American Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Lawyer Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes | Tagged court, God, heaven, hell, lawyer, Satan, St. Peter, worker | Leave a comment

Guess who?

Posted on May 17, 2012 by JokesLab

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing ''Love'' stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity gets the better of him and he ...

Posted in Lawyer Jokes, Office Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Valentine's Day Jokes | Tagged divorce, lawyer, letter, post office, stamp, Valentine's day | Leave a comment

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