Original List (age 22): 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises 10. An imaginative, romantic lover. What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32): 1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head) 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough money for a ...
If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building with the same velocity, each travelling at a parallel speed relative to one another, who lands first? The brunette. The blonde has to stop and ask for directions.
Four people are in an airplane: the president, the smartest man in the world, an old man and a young girl. The plane catches on fire and there are only three parachutes. The president gets one and says, “My country needs me!” and jumps. The smartest man in the world grabs one and says, “Well, the world ...
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said ''From 2-4 years.''
Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as "Bonkistry". He has been around forever, so I wouldn't put it past him to come up with something like this. Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and ...
Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? You can park in the handicap zone.
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property." "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?" "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents." He ...
A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friend with him. While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finished them off. As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, "Thanks for the peanuts." She says" Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can ...
Q: A smart blond, Santa and a pregnant woman are on an elevator. A twenty-dollar bill lies on the ground. Who picks it up ? A: The pregnant woman... the other two aren't real !'
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90% — wedding cake!
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to ...
A man notices a blonde sucking on the bottom of a Coke can. Curious, he asks her what she's doing. "Duh! It says for best taste drink by date on the bottom."
A funeral service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She ...
A blonde had some goldfish and she did not know how to feed them. So she called her brunette friend, and she showed her how. Once they were done feeding them, the blonde said, ''Now, what do I give them to drink?''
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said, “I enjoyed time with my wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said, “I enjoyed time with my mistress, because of the passion and mystery I found there.” The ...
A blonde says to a brunette, ''Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt.'' The brunette says, ''Well maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup.''
1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED. SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS. FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART DOG 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15 TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT ...
Here's what the heck they mean in the Lone Star State... The engine's runnin' but ain't nobody driving = Not too smart As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party = An unwelcome person Tighter than bark on a tree = Stingy Big hat, no cattle = All talk, no action We've how died but we ain't shook yet ...
(Internal Revenue Service, an agency of the government to whom Americans pay taxes on their salary.) --Always put staples in the right hand corner.Go ahead and put a down the whole right side. The extractors who remove the mail from the envelopes have to take out any staples in the right side. --Never arrange paperwork in the ...
After driving for about six hours, a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while. As soon as he falls asleep, he is awoken by some knocks on the door of the cab. "Can you tell me the time, please?" asks a jogger. "Yeah, it's 4:30," answers the trucker. He falls asleep again, but he ...
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