Category Archives: Animal Jokes

Jokes on animals, dogs, snakes.monkeys..

Grizzly bear warning

funny-polar-bear-and-girl

The Alaska Department of Fish and Game recently issued this bulletin… “Warning: In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly OKbear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters and fishermen to take extra precautions and … Continue reading

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Meals on wheels

funny-statue-fucking-a-cat

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful — she had to sleep in cold back … Continue reading

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Talking penguin

linux-vs-windows

A penguin walks into a bar and asks for a sandwich and a pint! The bartender is astounded by this talking flightless bird and asks about his life. The penguin goes on to explain that he is working at the … Continue reading

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Pissed off

funny-sign-do-not-drink-this-water

Why did the fly fall off the toilet? It got pissed off.

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Death of the dinosaurs

funny-and-sexy-Advertisements-ford-car

OK, let’s consider the physical evidence. The moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance from the Earth every year. Do the math and you will clearly see that 85 million years ago it was orbiting the earth … Continue reading

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Emergency brake

funny-bicycle-for-couple

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. “Ma’am,” said the cop, “I’m not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. … Continue reading

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The magician and the parrot

funny-duck-thief

A young magician started to work on a cruise ship with his pet parrot. The parrot would always steal his act by saying things like, “he has a card up his sleeve” or “he has a dove in his pocket.” … Continue reading

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Thrown from heaven

funny-bird-reading-pooping-on-people

A four-year-old boy and his father went to the beach. There was a dead seagull lying on the sand. The boy asked his father, ”Dad, what happened to the birdie?” His dad told him, ”Son, the bird died and went … Continue reading

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On the roof

shooting-the-cheater-caught

A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, he called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, “I’m so … Continue reading

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Lion, Tiger and Lawyer

funny-dog-bag

Q: You are stuck in an elevator with a tiger, a lion and a lawyer. You have a gun with just two bullets in it. What do you do? A: Shoot the lawyer twice to make sure he’s dead.

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Sexes of parrots

funny-Shopping-Bag-mans-head

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time. She spends weeks staring at … Continue reading

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How to clean a cat? from a dog

funny-dog-it-is-mine

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted. 3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, … Continue reading

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Putting on my shoes

funny-mating-horny-giraffle-fucking-horse

One day the big animals and the little animals decided to have a football game. As the first half went along, the big animals were scoring at will. Every time they got the ball they would run it in for … Continue reading

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One-word telegram

funny-ladies-put-your-butts-here

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that … Continue reading

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Bug’s end

funny-kid-i-pad-myself

Q: What’s the last thing that goes through a bugs mind when it hits your windshield? A: It’s ass.

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Dragging feet

funny-fountain-peeing-woman

Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, ”Vietnam, 1969.” The other points his … Continue reading

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Three Wishes

photo-bomb-naked-man-with-girls

A frog leaps out of the magical forest where he has lived all his life and into a real forest. Since he lived in the magical forest he has magical powers. He sees a bear chasing a rabbit and thinks … Continue reading

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Naughty parrot

funny-cat-massage

A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, ”Hey, lady! You’re really ugly!” The lady was furious and continued on her way. On the way home, she passed by the pet store again and the parrot … Continue reading

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Gift for teacher

funny-revenge-pee-to-your-neighbours-car

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said “I bet I know what it is — it’s some … Continue reading

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Smart Dog

funny-photo-woman-and-pooping-dog

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: “10 lamb chops, please.” Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly … Continue reading

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