Tag Archives: priest

The engineer at the golf course

Maradona-dick-size

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!” “Ineptitude!” The pastor said, “Hey, here comes … Continue reading

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Priests on a Hawaiian vacation

terrosists-in-beach

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and … Continue reading

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Who’s he going to tell?

funny-scene-big-john

One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won’t be able to go to work. Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this … Continue reading

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We judge on results

funny-pose-fucked-by-the-bishop

A minister has just died and is standing in line waiting to be judged and admitted to Heaven. While waiting he asks the man in front of him about himself. The man says, “I am a taxi driver from Noo … Continue reading

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Do I have to tell him the war is over?

sexy-kung-fu-girl

About a month ago, a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his priest, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic.” “Well,” answered the priest, … Continue reading

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She made me a better offer

unhappy-bride

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and … Continue reading

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God is missing

a-curious-baby-checking-mother-buttocks

Two 6 year old boys were attending religious school and giving the teachers problems. The teachers had tried everything to make them behave – time outs, notes home, missed recesses – but could do nothing with them. Finally the boys … Continue reading

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Where is the God?

funny-boy-finding-food-in-refrigerator

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. They boys’ mother … Continue reading

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Black eyes

camera-woman-checking-skirts

A guy with two black eyes walks into church one Sunday. The priest notices him and is very concerned. “What happened, my child?” “I was singing in the choir, Father, and I noticed that the girl in front of me … Continue reading

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Goddamn it

funny-woman-parking

A man was working on a preacher’s car in a garage and he was pushing hard on a wrench to loosen a nut and his hand slipped. He yelled “Goddamn it” and the preacher said, “Don’t take the Lord’s name … Continue reading

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Sexes of parrots

funny-Shopping-Bag-mans-head

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time. She spends weeks staring at … Continue reading

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Prayers

A lady approaches her priest and tells him “Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the priest inquired. “They only know how to … Continue reading

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The head hog

A man called the church office one day and said, “Can I please speak to the head hog at the trough?” The secretary, highly offended, said, “If you mean the pastor, then you may refer to him as ’Pastor’ or … Continue reading

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Five good leads

Tommy Shaughnessy enters the confessional box and says, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.” The priest asks, “Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?” “Yes, Father, it is.” “And who was the woman … Continue reading

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Long sermon

A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterward the pastor asked the man where he had gone. … Continue reading

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