A boy and his Chinese family went to the zoo, and they saw two monkeys having sex. The boy asked "What are they doing?" The parents replied "Making a cake." On the way home, they saw two poodles having sex. He asked "What are they doing?" "Making a cake," his parents replied. They all went to bed. ...
A woman is just about to give birth in the hospital when she says to the doctor, "Doc, do me a favor. Tell me what color the baby is as it’s being born." The doctor is understandably a little puzzled at this. "Why don’t you know what color the child is going to be?" "Well", says the ...
A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter. One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter." The child told her mother ...
A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short. The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, ...
A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?" "Yes," his wife replied. "I married into the family."
A young brunette goes into the doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on, everywhere she touches makes her scream. The ...
As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband’s ranch. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband NEVER to touch it. For fifty long years Uncle Jack left the box alone until Aunt Edna was old and dying. One day when he was ...
Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie’s lamp. After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you." The first said, "I wish I were smarter." So, she became a redhead. The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than she ...
A family of three where sitting next to the TV watching the countdown for the new year. The two brothers (one 7 the other 5) cheered when the countdown had finished. The youngest one raced to the nearest window to look outside. Perplexed the mother got up and asked "What are you doing Bobby?" With such great ...
Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year’s Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, ’I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year’s present. What do you think it all means?’ ’Aha, you’ll know tonight,’ answered Max smiling broadly. At midnight, as the New ...
Three Apple engineers and three Microsoft employees are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Microsoft employees each buy tickets and watch as the three Apple engineers buy only a single ticket. “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks a Microsoft employee. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers the Apple ...
A Man joined a big multi-national company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, "Get me a coffee quickly!" The voice from the other side responded,"You fool you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to, dumbo?" "No", replied the trainee. "It’s the Managing Director of ...
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and ...
Once upon a time there was a female brain cell who accidentally ended up in a man’s head. She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet. "Hello?" she cried, but no answer. "Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer. Now the female brain cell started to feel alone ...
Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then, the ...
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, ...
A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump. Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. ...
President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him. "What is it?" exclaims the President. "It’s the Abortion Bill, Mr. President - what do you want to do about it?" "Just go ahead and pay it."
Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group. Republicans consume three-fourths of all the rutabaga produced in this country. The remainder is thrown out. Republicans usually wear hats and always clean their paint brushes. Democrats give their worn-out clothes to those less fortunate. Republicans wear ...
A lady bought a new $100,000 Mercedes and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer. Once at the dealer, she found her salesman and began ...
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