Author Archives: JokesLab

Stand in line for that too

funny-dogs-queue-for-peeing-on-a-tree

During a busy Pre-Christmas day at Sydney airport, a crowded flight was cancelled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on … Continue reading

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Rate your Chrsitmas party

free-blow-job-if-you-buy-coke-here

Next time, make sure your party reaches the correct “Festivity Level….” Festivity Level One: Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas tree ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling on … Continue reading

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Father Christmas gift

funny Santa: clean your fuck chimney

Alex was five; all his Christmas presents were always signed, ’from Father Christmas.’ A little while after Alex had opened all his presents on Christmas morning, we became aware that he was looking quite down in the mouth for no … Continue reading

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Top ten things to say about a Christmas gift you don’t like…

funny-photo-bomb-daughter-and-angry-mother

10. Hey! Now there’s a gift! 9. Well, well, well… 8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would’ve fit. 7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement. 6. Gosh. I hope this never catches … Continue reading

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Holding for ransom

funny condom ad, endrosed by the Pope

Little Johnny was planning on getting lots of presents for Christmas. He knew that god had a connection to the North Pole, and stood up and started to pray. “God, i have been a child of perfection this year. I … Continue reading

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Santa Claus and Bubba Claus

funny-shopping-bag-watermelon

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated. Please read the following carefully. I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming … Continue reading

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Glad Ass, Happy Butt

combing-hais-mother-and-daughters

It was this little girl’s first day of school and the teacher asked her what her name was and she replied, “Happy Butt.” The teacher said, “Honey I don’t think that’s your name you need to go to the principal’s … Continue reading

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Wal-Mart vs. heaven

funny-sale-sign-save-10

I consider Wal-Mart to be God’s gift to shoppers. Literally, here are the similitudes I have noticed between the kingdom of Heaven and the Kingdom of Everyday Low Prices. Heaven: St. Peter greets you at the gates Wal-Mart: Some old … Continue reading

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International beer syndrome

two-beers-are-better-than-one

An insect falls into a mug of beer. English Man: Throws his mug of bear on the floor and walks out. American Man: Takes out the insect and drinks the beer. Chinese Man: Eats the insect and throws the beer. … Continue reading

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No nuts is an advantage

mans-problem-in-emergency

A retired US Marine was looking for a new job. He finally found one that appealed to his interests. At the interview, he was asked, “Do you have any military experience?” The Marine replied, “Why, yes! I’ve been in the … Continue reading

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Deleted characters

geek-girl-push-the-right-button

Where do the characters go when I use my backspace or delete them on my PC? ANSWER: The characters go to different places, depending on whom you ask: The Buddhist explanation: If a character has lived rightly, and its karma … Continue reading

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The engineer at the golf course

Maradona-dick-size

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!” “Ineptitude!” The pastor said, “Hey, here comes … Continue reading

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Mrs. Jones, do you know me?

funny-revenge-pee-to-your-neighbours-car

A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial — a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. … Continue reading

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Great-uncle George

Dmitry-Medvedev-got-faked-jacket

The Smith’s were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators and Wall Street wizards. They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They … Continue reading

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An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman

kim-jong-un-holding-durex

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps … Continue reading

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Murphy’s laws of combat

dog-reading-book-how-to-pick-up-bitches

If the enemy is in range, so are you Incoming fire has the right of way Don’t look conspicuous; it draws fire There is always a way That way is always mined Try to look unimportant; they might be low … Continue reading

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Beethoven

bear-playing-camera

What’s Beethoven doing now that he’s dead? He’s de-composing.

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Blonde in pain

sexy-kung-fu-girl

There was a blonde who was hurting all over so she went to the doctor. The doctor said, ”Where are you hurting?” She said, ”Everywhere. See?” She touched her arm and said, “OUCH!” She touched her leg and, “OUCH!” She … Continue reading

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The blue eye

funny-Japanese-bra-sun-glasses

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted in him getting his eye gouged out. He was rushed to hospital, and, after awaking from an emergency operation, was told by the doctor that he’d been given a … Continue reading

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Blonde father

kim-jong-un-holding-durex

A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a … Continue reading

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