Category Archives: Family Jokes

Vice President

arching-at-home-boost-boobs

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, “Listen, it … Continue reading

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Homework

look-like-girl-and-dog

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, “Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.” The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher … Continue reading

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Bed football

funny-old-gentleman-and-boobs

An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, “7 points!” His wife looked at him and said, “What the hell are you doing?” He simply replied, “Just playing bed … Continue reading

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Pantyhose

sexy-photographer

Q: How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose? A: Her ankles swell up when she farts.

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Your guts

drunken-sleeping-girl-sleep-in-bathtub

There was a man who would come home blind drunk every night and vomit in the bathroom sink, and every night the man’s wife would warn him that someday he would puke up his guts. One day the wife cut … Continue reading

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The ex-wife and the genie

yard-sign-cheating-husband

One day a man was planting flowers outside his new house when he found a bottle with a cork in it. He took out the cork and with a poof, a genie came out. ”I will grant you three wishes … Continue reading

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Bed time

funny-kids-kissing

One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed, ”Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!” ”No. You had your chance.” A minute later the boy screamed ”Dad!! Can you get me … Continue reading

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Medical term and plain English

funny-shirt-huge-pen-or-huge-penis

The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English … Continue reading

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Where is this place?

state-sign-of-Vermont-pure-maple-syrup

A man and his wife were driving their Recreational Vehicle across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it – KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME. They grew more … Continue reading

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Texan baby

drink-till-you-want-me

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and announced that his wife had just produced a typical Texas baby, weighing a whopping twenty pounds. “WOW!” was the response from everyone at the bar. Two weeks … Continue reading

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Girls can get as many as they want

funny-toilet-mural

An 8 year old boy walks home from school each day passing an 8 year old girl’s house. One day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can’t resist taunting the girl. He holds up his football and … Continue reading

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Intelligence must come from your mother

funny-pose-fucked-by-bear

Son: ”Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?” Dad: ”Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, ’cause I still have mine.”

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Email error

funny-curious-dolphin

It’s wise to remember how easily email can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business … Continue reading

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You’re not old enough

A man and his grandson are fishing by a peaceful lake beneath some weeping willow trees. The man takes out a cigarette and lights it. His grandson says, “Grandpa, can I try some of your cigarette?” “Can you touch your … Continue reading

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What is it?

funny-wedding-cake-you-cannot-run-away

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. If it just sits in your room, messes up your stuff, … Continue reading

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Who invented maps?

funny-erection-due-to-two-girls

How do we know men invented maps? Who else would make an inch into a mile?

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The advantages of being a doctor

funny-pose-touch-my-breast

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” “A doctor?” “And why’s that?” “Because it’s the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill.”

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Little sister

funny-condom-ads-durex-play-o-gel

One day a little boy walked in his parents room and saw them having sex. The boy’s father said that him and mom are making a little sister for him. So the next day the dad came home from work … Continue reading

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Boy buying condoms

i-am-not-virgin

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. “Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for … Continue reading

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Where is the God?

funny-boy-finding-food-in-refrigerator

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. They boys’ mother … Continue reading

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