A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice. Then from the heavens a voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.'' Startled, the blonde moved further ...
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are on the run from the law when they find an old barn to hide out in. The police are close on their tails, so when the women find three sacks, they immediately jump into them. About a minute later, a policeman comes into the barn and sees the ...
Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over 90 mph. "Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, " do ya see any cops following us?" The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do." "Damn!" cursed the brunette. "Are his flashers on? The blonde turned around again. "Yup... nope... yup... nope... ...
Three guys died and when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them there. St. Peter said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. But before I let you into heaven, I have to ask you a couple of questions. Make sure you tell the truth because if you don't, we'll ...
He's teaching her arithmetic, he said it was his mission. He kissed her once, he kissed her twice and said, ''Now that's addition.'' And as he added smack by smack, in silent sanctification, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, ''Now that's subtraction.'' Then he kissed her, she kissed him without an explanation. And both together smiled ...
Three men are at the FBI Building for a job interview. The interviewing FBI agent tells the first man, ''To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.'' The man ...
A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time. "How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms and died." "Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms, too, and died." "Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask ...
Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Patty: Seven! Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Patty: Seven! Teacher: Let’s try this another way. If I give you two ...
Joey and Katie are sitting in school. Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question. "Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil. "Jesus Christ almighty! !" Exclaimed Katie. "Correct." Says the teacher. So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up "Who ...
A man arrives at the breakfast room in the hotel at which he is staying and calls over the head waiter. "I believe that this morning I would like two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked it's runny, and the other so overcooked it's tough and hard to eat. Also, grilled bacon that has been ...
A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a short nap. Although she isn't familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take ...
Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffie, in great detail. The robbery begins. Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Buffie, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You ...
What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common? Their middle name.
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, ''So what do you think of mad cow disease?'' The other replies, ''I dunno, I'm a chicken.''
Girl and boy are having a relationship of about four months now. One Friday night they meet at a bar after work. They stay for a few, then go on to get some food at a local restaurant near their respective houses. They eat, then go back to his house and she stays over. Her story: Well Ed was in ...
There was a 80 year-old man that married a 21 year-old woman. A year later the woman had a baby and the doctor came out and told the old man that he was the father of a 9lb 8oz baby boy. The old man replied, “This old motor is still a' running.” Next next year his ...
WHAT WOMEN SAY & REALLY MEAN: CAN'T WE JUST BE FRIENDS? There is no way in hell I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine,again. I JUST NEED SOME SPACE. ... without you in it. DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS? We haven't had a fight in a while. NO, PIZZA'S FINE. ... you cheap slob! I ...
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting ...
A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and decided that he needed a career change. He'd always enjoyed tinkering with engines so thought he'd become a mechanic. So he went along to mechanics school and the final test was to strip the engine completely and reassemble it back into perfect working order. So our gynecologist friend ...
What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Maybe someday we'll find Bigfoot.
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