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Author Archives: JokesLab
Horse’s ass

The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that’s the way they built them in England, and the U.S. railroads were built by … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, British Jokes, Office Jokes, Politician Jokes, Science Jokes
Tagged ass, horse, railroad, standard
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Bill Gates and General Motors

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors. “If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades,” boasts Gates, “you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it … Continue reading
It’s the law

The following are laws from around the world which, though a bit unusual, aren’t really that surprising…. : 1) In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with … Continue reading
We judge on results

A minister has just died and is standing in line waiting to be judged and admitted to Heaven. While waiting he asks the man in front of him about himself. The man says, “I am a taxi driver from Noo … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Church and God Jokes, People Jokes
Tagged driver, God, heaven, priest, taxi
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Below your left breast

Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get … Continue reading
Posted in Family Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Your Momma Jokes
Tagged breast, heart, knee, suicide
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Burger King

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the … Continue reading
Posted in Hotel and Travel Jokes, Louisiana Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes
Tagged burger King, Louisiana, pronunciation
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Just for that, I’m not going.

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, Family Jokes, Holiday Jokes, Kids Jokes
Tagged picnic, turtle
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B.C.

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate, and elegant was planning a week’s vacation in Florida so she wrote to a particular campground and asked for a reservation. She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn’t … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Holiday Jokes, Hotel and Travel Jokes, People Jokes, Texas Jokes, Your Momma Jokes
Tagged camping, church, toilet
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I am still winning

It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go buy a coke. So she went to the coke machine and put her money in, and a coke came out so she kept putting money in it, … Continue reading
Posted in Blonde Jokes, New York Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Texas Jokes
Tagged blonde, coke, gamble, queue
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Hot bath

Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath. Just as he’d become comfortable, the front doorbell rang. The man got out of the tub, put on terry cloth slippers and a large towel, wrapped his head in a smaller towel, … Continue reading
Posted in Family Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Miscellaneous Jokes, Office Jokes, Texas Jokes
Tagged bath, doctor, salesman
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the Pope is his driver

One day, the Pope is visiting America and driving around Washington in his limo when he gets an idea. “Driver? Can I drive for a while?” “Sure,” says the driver. How can you say no to the Pope? So the … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Car Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Police Jokes
Tagged car, driver, police, pope
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Let me hold your monkey

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle … Continue reading
Posted in Miscellaneous Jokes, People Jokes, Texas Jokes, Your Momma Jokes
Tagged bus, driver, monkey, mother
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Honeymoon spaghetti

Gary and Mary go on their honeymoon, and Gary spends six hours of the honeymoon night eating Mary’s pussy. The next afternoon, they go to an Italian restaurant. Suddenly, Gary starts to freak out. He screams, “Waiter! Waiter! Come over … Continue reading
Register wedding gifts

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses … Continue reading
Posted in Hospital Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Texas Jokes, Your Momma Jokes
Tagged drug, gift, marriage
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Say something positive

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself. “You know, dear,” she says, “I look in the mirror, and I see an old … Continue reading
Posted in Family Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes
Tagged eyesight, husband, mirror, wife
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the secret of success in marriage

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, “Many years ago we made … Continue reading
Posted in Family Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Short Q & A, Your Momma Jokes
Tagged child, husband, lesson, marriage, wife
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A man with no ears

A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company. … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Computer Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes
Tagged accident, computer, contact lense, ear, interview
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Bush’s tragedy

One day, President Bush visited an elementary school. All the kids were so excited to get to meet the President. He began to talk to them and asked them to define the word ”tragedy.” “Well,” one girl replied, “If my … Continue reading
Posted in Campus Jokes, Kids Jokes, Politician Jokes
Tagged accident, campus, George Dubya Bush, loss, president, student, tragedy
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