Author Archives: JokesLab

Horse’s ass

ducks-crossing-road

The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that’s the way they built them in England, and the U.S. railroads were built by … Continue reading

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Bill Gates and General Motors

microsoft-girl-blue-screen

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors. “If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades,” boasts Gates, “you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it … Continue reading

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It’s the law

funny-old-gentleman-and-boobs

The following are laws from around the world which, though a bit unusual, aren’t really that surprising…. : 1) In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with … Continue reading

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We judge on results

funny-pose-fucked-by-the-bishop

A minister has just died and is standing in line waiting to be judged and admitted to Heaven. While waiting he asks the man in front of him about himself. The man says, “I am a taxi driver from Noo … Continue reading

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Beer and female hormones

funny-When-you-drink-too-much

“Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains large traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and … Continue reading

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Below your left breast

baby-likes-the-big-boobs

Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get … Continue reading

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Burger King

black-burger

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the … Continue reading

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Just for that, I’m not going.

interspecies-friendships

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days … Continue reading

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B.C.

Welcome-to-hell

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate, and elegant was planning a week’s vacation in Florida so she wrote to a particular campground and asked for a reservation. She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn’t … Continue reading

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I am still winning

public-entrance

It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go buy a coke. So she went to the coke machine and put her money in, and a coke came out so she kept putting money in it, … Continue reading

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Hot bath

book-bathtub

Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath. Just as he’d become comfortable, the front doorbell rang. The man got out of the tub, put on terry cloth slippers and a large towel, wrapped his head in a smaller towel, … Continue reading

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the Pope is his driver

funny condom ad, endrosed by the Pope

One day, the Pope is visiting America and driving around Washington in his limo when he gets an idea. “Driver? Can I drive for a while?” “Sure,” says the driver. How can you say no to the Pope? So the … Continue reading

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Let me hold your monkey

bad-kid-drinking-smoking

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle … Continue reading

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Honeymoon spaghetti

funny-man-and-woman-before-marriage

Gary and Mary go on their honeymoon, and Gary spends six hours of the honeymoon night eating Mary’s pussy. The next afternoon, they go to an Italian restaurant. Suddenly, Gary starts to freak out. He screams, “Waiter! Waiter! Come over … Continue reading

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Register wedding gifts

funny-and-sexy-condom-ads-long-pleasure-condom

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses … Continue reading

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Say something positive

sexy-scene

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself. “You know, dear,” she says, “I look in the mirror, and I see an old … Continue reading

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the secret of success in marriage

sexy-y-gen-mother-underwear

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, “Many years ago we made … Continue reading

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The perfect man

funny-gorilla-enjoying-the-breast

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. “The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. … Continue reading

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A man with no ears

checking-boyfriend-bird

A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company. … Continue reading

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Bush’s tragedy

terrosists-in-beach

One day, President Bush visited an elementary school. All the kids were so excited to get to meet the President. He began to talk to them and asked them to define the word ”tragedy.” “Well,” one girl replied, “If my … Continue reading

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