Category Archives: Family Jokes

Just for that, I’m not going.

interspecies-friendships

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days … Continue reading

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Hot bath

book-bathtub

Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath. Just as he’d become comfortable, the front doorbell rang. The man got out of the tub, put on terry cloth slippers and a large towel, wrapped his head in a smaller towel, … Continue reading

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Say something positive

sexy-scene

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself. “You know, dear,” she says, “I look in the mirror, and I see an old … Continue reading

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the secret of success in marriage

sexy-y-gen-mother-underwear

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, “Many years ago we made … Continue reading

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The perfect man

funny-gorilla-enjoying-the-breast

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. “The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. … Continue reading

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Wishes

sexy-santa-claus-gifts-on-butts

Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked,”When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say … Continue reading

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Journey to the other side

Welcome-to-hell

Mr. Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Louisiana. He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer, to let her know he had arrived safely. Unfortunately, he mistyped a letter and the e-mail … Continue reading

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Wonderful time

cheater-girl-with-boyfriends-friend

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband’s best friend. After making love, while they’re just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver. Her … Continue reading

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All the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me too

sexiest-teacher-guys-dream-for

Mother: Come on, Victor, you have to get out of bed or you’ll be late for school. Victor: Aw, Mom do I have to? All the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me too. Mother: Yes you do. … Continue reading

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Lucky you

sexy-girls-sun-bath-in-car-park

“My wife is an angel.” “Lucky you. Mine’s still alive.”

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Golfing buddy

beard-can-hold-ping-pong

There was an old man named Bill and one of the things he most enjoyed was playing golf with his old buddy Fred. His wife always commented on how happy he looked after a game. But one day he came … Continue reading

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What did Eve say to Adam when she didn’t want any more children?

funny-family-photo-in-swimming-pool

A man and his wife were sitting in church, the man was sleeping and his wife was knitting. The priest asked “Who created the Earth and man?” The woman poked the man with her knitting needle and the man screamed, … Continue reading

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Keep the egg

kick-your-ass-when-you-take-photo

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen’s eggs for breakfast. One day … Continue reading

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Marriage lessons

funny-wedding-cake-you-cannot-run-away

On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. “Tell us Tom, just what is it you have … Continue reading

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Redneck’s lunch

funny-tear-off-seen-this-flier

An Irishman, a Italian and a redneck were doing construction work on the scaffolding of a tall building. They were eating lunch. The Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for … Continue reading

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Ending the argument

how-to-please-a-woman

A husband desperate to end an argument offers to buy is wife a new car. She curtly declines his offer by saying, “That’s not quite what I had in mind.” Frantically he offers her a new house. Again she rejects … Continue reading

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Never lie to your mother

funny-hairdo-mouth-eyes-nose

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but noticing how beautiful John’s room-mate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his room-mate, and this had … Continue reading

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2 Canadian guys

cheater-agirl-with-two-guys

Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder. “I have an idea,” said Mike. “We’ll throw you down, and then you can pick up … Continue reading

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Henry Ford on marriage

funny-wedding-cake-show-your-weapon

A reporter asked Henry Ford the secret of his successful married life. “Same as with cars – STICK TO ONE MODEL.”

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Good or bad?

casual-wedding

A recently-married man goes into a drugstore to pick up some things. The clerk greets him…. Clerk: Hey, how did the wedding go? Man: Well, we got married. Clerk: That’s good! Man: No, that’s bad. I wasn’t wearing any clothes. … Continue reading

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