Category Archives: American Jokes

The tomato family

funny-pose-feel-the-breast

The Tomato family is walking down the street. There’s the mama tomato, the papa tomato and baby tomato. They’re walking at a good pace when the baby starts lagging behind. Papa tomato starts getting mad. By the third block papa … Continue reading

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Go get your mother

funny-scene-big-john

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a near-by mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls moved apart and back together again by themselves. The lad asked his Father, ”What … Continue reading

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Scotsman at a baseball game

funny-ad-bad-breath-aquafresh

A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball game in the US and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring “Run….Run!” The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd … Continue reading

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Emergency brake

funny-bicycle-for-couple

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. “Ma’am,” said the cop, “I’m not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. … Continue reading

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Men and woman

photo-bomb-naked-man

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman, 2 French men and 1 French woman, 2 German men and 1 German woman, 2 Greek men and … Continue reading

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Dumb Crooks Roundup

funny-dog-staring-at-thong-falling-woman

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES…THEY COULD COME IN HANDY A repeat offender got a life sentence for a small-time shoplifting caper in Jupiter, Florida. The man stole $49.73worth of boxer shorts, panties, a sports bra and some cigarette lighters … Continue reading

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You know you’re from Michigan when…

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1) You define summer as three months of bad sledding. 2) You think alkaline batteries were named for a tiger outfielder. 3) Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six-pack of beer and a bucket of smelt. 4) Owning … Continue reading

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A Spielberg joke

funny-pose-fucked-by-the-bishop

A Chinese walks into a bar in America one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap … Continue reading

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The Abortion Bill

save-a-virgin-do-me-instead

President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him. “What is it?” exclaims the President. “It’s the Abortion Bill, Mr. President – what do you want to do about … Continue reading

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Democrats vs Republicans

funny-pose-group-sex-two-girls-and-a-statue

Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group. Republicans consume three-fourths of all the rutabaga produced in this country. The remainder is thrown out. Republicans usually wear … Continue reading

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Four sons

how-to-cut-a-queue

Four guys went golfing; one went in the clubhouse to pay while the others waited at the first tee. One of the guys says, “I’m so proud of my son. He is a stock broker and he’s made enough that … Continue reading

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Sinking ship

George Bush is on a sinking boat. Who gets saved? The nation.

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The Jewish vote

I asked a Jew who he was going to vote for as president. He said, “Well, the last time Jews listened to a bush, they wandered in the desert for 40 years.”

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A fence bid

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida. At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. … Continue reading

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Polish Remover

One day, an immigrant from Poland entered a New York City Police Precinct to report that his American wife was planning to kill him. The police officer on duty was intrigued by this, and he asked, “How sure are you … Continue reading

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Senate slander

A member of the United States Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, “Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!” All the other Senators … Continue reading

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Open season on lawyers!

WASHINGTON STATE ATTORNEY SEASON AND BAG LIMITS 1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys. 2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited. 3. Killing … Continue reading

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