Little Johnny was practicing the violin in the living room, while his father was trying to read. The family dog was at there too, and, on hearing the screeching sounds, began to howl. Johnny’s father listened to the dog and the violin for as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his newspaper on the floor ...
A woman was staying at a hotel and she decided to go sunbathing on the hotel roof. When she laid down to sun her back, her bikini top fell off. She didn't care so much, though, because nobody ever came up to the roof anyway. Which is why she was surprised when she heard footsteps. It was ...
There was a guy in a bar and he asked the bartender for a beer. He chugged it, looked into his pocket, asked for another beer. Which he chugged, then looked into his pocket, and asked for another beer. This went on for a while then the bartender finally asked, 'How come you ask for a ...
A guy and a blond are on a date, and after dinner and a movie, they head on up to Makeout Mountain, where things get a little hot 'n' heavy. Then the guy leans over. "Do you want to go in the backseat?" "No." Unfazed, they continue making out. The guy trys again. "Do you want to go ...
Why do wives live longer than their husbands? Because they aren't married to women!
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
A woman complains to her friend that her husband is losing interest in sex, and he prefers nights out with the guys to the joys of copulation. Her friend tells her that to win his love, she must make more effort. She advises her to cook her man a slap up meal and then send him ...
1. PCMCIA People Canot Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms 2. ISDN It Still Does Nothing 3. APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity 4. SCSI System Canot See It 5. DOS Defunct Operating System 6. BASIC Billos Attempt to Seize Industry Control 7. IBM I Blame Microsoft 8. DEC Do Expect Cuts 9. CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months 10. OS/2 Obsolete Soon, Too 11. WWW World ...
Two dumb blondes were driving through the middle of Kansas where there was nothing around for miles but wheat fields. One blonde says, “Look over there!” There was another blonde wearing scuba gear and acting like she was swimming through the wheat. The other blonde says, “Look over there!” where there was still another blonde in ...
This blonde woman went to Canada to seek her fortune as a lumberjack. She met a foreman of a logging organization who offered to give her a job. "Now I hope you realize we expect you to cut down at least 100 trees a day," the foreman told her. The blonde woman didn't see this as ...
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The ...
A few years ago, an American and a British journalist were discussing Thanksgiving on a British radio program. The American asked if Thanksgiving was celebrated in the UK. "Yes," the British journalist replied, "but we celebrate it on the 6th of September." "Why then?" "That's when you chaps left."
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh, I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I’ve heard of that in ...
Two blondes are driving down the freeway chugging a few beers when they see a road block ahead with police checking for drunk drivers. The blonde in the passenger seat starts to panic and the driver tells her to calm down and do what she does. She then proceeds to quickly chug the last of the ...
After three weeks in the garden, God came to visit Eve. "How's things, Eve?" He asked. "It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful but I just have this one problem. It's these three breasts you've given me. The middle one pushes the other two out, ...
In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was ...
Employee: Boss can I have the day off tomorrow? Boss: So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for: There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. ...
A man was working on a preacher's car in a garage and he was pushing hard on a wrench to loosen a nut and his hand slipped. He yelled “Goddamn it” and the preacher said, “Don't take the Lord's name in vain, say ‘Lord, help me, Lord help me.’” The man went back to work and, ...
A plane was once flying over an island when the passengers heard the pilot's voice: “Ladies & Gentlemen, if you look on the right side of the plane, you'll see an engine on fire. If you look on the left side, you'll see a wing on fire. And if you look down, you'll see me ...
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
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