Tag Archives: sex

Three horny dogs

hot-dog-mating-monkey

There were three horny dogs (A British bulldog, A German shephard and a Chihuaha) A poodle walked by and she says “I’ll let one of you fuck me if you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence” The … Continue reading

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Whole wheat bread

funny-angry-man-and-happy-couple

Two very elderly men were having a conversation about sex. Elmer says, “Yes sir, I did it three times last night with a 30 year old!” Leon replies, “You’re kidding! I can’t even manage to do it once! What’s your … Continue reading

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Final exam

i-enjoy-masterbating

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. “Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a … Continue reading

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The Chinese virgins

funny-photo-in-china

A young Chinese couple gets married. She’s a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn’t know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He … Continue reading

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Making a cake

wedding photo, mating dogs

A boy and his Chinese family went to the zoo, and they saw two monkeys having sex. The boy asked “What are they doing?” The parents replied “Making a cake.” On the way home, they saw two poodles having sex. … Continue reading

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Code word for sex

i-fucked-you

A husband and wife decided they needed to use “code” to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter. One day the husband told his five year old … Continue reading

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A father’s last request

funny-tear-off-my-number-on skirt

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short. The father eventually … Continue reading

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The Abortion Bill

save-a-virgin-do-me-instead

President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him. “What is it?” exclaims the President. “It’s the Abortion Bill, Mr. President – what do you want to do about … Continue reading

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To feel like a woman

funny blow job

On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in … Continue reading

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I would have gotten out today

man-and-woman-before-marriage

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He … Continue reading

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A reasonable wife

funny sign keep this area clean

After being married for 30 years, a man took a look at his wife and said, “Honey, do you realize 30 years ago, I had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a pull out bed and watched a … Continue reading

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The Manager’s Problem

obama enjoying the blow job

An office manager had money problems & had to fire an employee, either Jack or Jill… He thought he’d fire the employee who came late to work the next morning. Well, both employees came to work very early. Then the … Continue reading

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The honeymoon cruise

A man and his wife were going on a cruise for their honeymoon. They packed their bags and got ready to go but forgot two things – condoms and dramamine, since the man gets terrible motion sickness on ships. So … Continue reading

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The most venomous snake

The Most Venomous Snake In The World NAME: “Expecteria Trouserius” (Trouser Snake) LOCATION: Throughout the world DESCRIPTION: One-eyed, with mushroom-shaped head (other types come with extra layers of skin) Varying from pink to black. Fang-less with a highly venomous spit. … Continue reading

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Is that all we have left?

A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the … Continue reading

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Deaf couple signalling for sex

eat-boobs

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can’t see each other using sign language. After several nights … Continue reading

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Creative writing

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery. The prize-winning essay read, “My God,” said the Queen, “I’m pregnant. I wonder whose it is?”

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Parrot spy

One day I guy walks past a shop and saw a parrot. He said “I will get him to watch my wife at home”. But the parrot had no legs so it hung by its dick. He took the parrot … Continue reading

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Five good leads

Tommy Shaughnessy enters the confessional box and says, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.” The priest asks, “Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?” “Yes, Father, it is.” “And who was the woman … Continue reading

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Research findings

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it) If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas … Continue reading

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