Tag Archives: money

Santa, tooth fairy, drunk, and lawyer

funny-headstone-stupid-and-with-stupid

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? A: The old drunk, of course; the other three are … Continue reading

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Just get the hell out!

why-hooker-is-better-than-wife

A wife comes in and yells, ”Honey, pack your clothes! I just won the lottery!” Her husband yells back, ”Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?” The wife replies, ”I don’t care! Just get the hell out!”

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Smart Dog

funny-photo-woman-and-pooping-dog

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: “10 lamb chops, please.” Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly … Continue reading

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Fast turtle

funny-dog-king-and-cat-queen

A guy comes walking into a bar with a turtle in his hand. The turtle’s one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape. The bartender looks … Continue reading

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Blonde kidnapper

funny-play-boy-cover-girl

Once upon a time when a Blonde was hard up for money, she decided to kidnap a child. So the next day she goes to a nearby playground and when nobody is looking, she pulls a random kid behind a … Continue reading

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Care for mother-in-law

offline finally in the tomb

A man, his wife and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, “You can have her shipped home for £5,000, or you can bury her here … Continue reading

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Third wish

funny-double-deck-car

This guy was walking along the beach in Malibu when he came across this salt-encrusted piece of metal. He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold it was a very old oil lamp. The … Continue reading

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Male & female brains

funny-blonde-parking

One day a group of husbands and wives went to a scientific program. The doctor there was showing them brains from real people and telling how expensive it would be to buy one. He said it was five million dollars … Continue reading

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Good and bad

I-love-my-marriage

“Did ya hear I got married?” “Oh, that’s good.” “No, that’s bad! She’s ugly!” “Oh, that’s bad.” “No, that’s good! She’s rich.” “Oh, that’s good!” “No, that’s bad! She won’t give me a cent.” “Oh, that’s bad.” “No, that’s good! … Continue reading

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Country-club party

funny-wrong-job-atm-operator

At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously. The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and … Continue reading

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Bravest man

lynx-shower-gel-for-dirty-woman

One day a multi-billionaire was board, so he asked his butler to get him 3 men. A few hours later the butler comes back. The man says “OK I’ve a deal you can’t refuse. Who can swim successfully across this … Continue reading

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No undies

funny-dog-staring-at-thong-falling-woman

The Englishman’s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. “Good God, woman! Why aren’t you wearing any knickers?” … Continue reading

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How to keep the marriage, and save money

funny-pose-i-catchp-the-bird

As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband’s ranch. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband NEVER to touch it. For fifty long years Uncle Jack … Continue reading

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The Abortion Bill

save-a-virgin-do-me-instead

President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him. “What is it?” exclaims the President. “It’s the Abortion Bill, Mr. President – what do you want to do about … Continue reading

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Double for mother-in-law

dude-you-will-get-three-mother-in-laws

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, “OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half … Continue reading

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Four sons

how-to-cut-a-queue

Four guys went golfing; one went in the clubhouse to pay while the others waited at the first tee. One of the guys says, “I’m so proud of my son. He is a stock broker and he’s made enough that … Continue reading

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