A lawyer and a sperm

Posted on February 12, 2013 by JokesLab
funny-gorilla-enjoying-the-breast

What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common? They both hope to be human someday.

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I can’t get into your panties!

Posted on February 11, 2013 by JokesLab
checking-boyfriend-bird

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband -- who was a big burly man -- tossed his trousers to his bride and said, "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. ...

Posted in Family Jokes, Holiday Jokes, Office Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Texas Jokes | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Performance evaluations

Posted on February 10, 2013 by JokesLab
terrosists-in-beach

1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. 2. I would not allow this employee to breed. 3. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be. 4. This young lady has delusions of adequacy. 5. Works well when under constant supervision and ...

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A Tennessee divorce

Posted on February 9, 2013 by JokesLab
dude-you-will-get-three-mother-in-laws

If a couple from Tennessee get a legal divorce, can they still be brother and sister?

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They won’t let you fart

Posted on February 2, 2013 by JokesLab
funny-celebration-smoking-and-longevity

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems O.K. but after a while she ...

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Why I am so tired?

Posted on February 1, 2013 by JokesLab
hairdo-for-sleeping-in-office-or-class

For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. Now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked. The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million ...

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FBI will do it for you

Posted on January 31, 2013 by JokesLab
shit-slogan-fbi-female-body-inspector

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Allen, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament: Dear Allen, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t ...

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Pope in New York

Posted on January 30, 2013 by JokesLab
funny condom ad, endrosed by the Pope

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, ''You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?'' The driver is understandably hesitant and says, ''I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm supposed to do ...

Posted in Car Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Holiday Jokes, New York Jokes, People Jokes, Police Jokes, Politician Jokes | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Only when he’s drunk

Posted on January 29, 2013 by JokesLab
safety-driving-school

John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I’m very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away." Just then Jessica said, "I ...

Posted in Bar Jokes, Car Jokes, Family Jokes, Police Jokes, Texas Jokes | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Undertaker

Posted on January 28, 2013 by JokesLab
funny-sex-harasssment-funny-party, funny statue

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that he reached ...

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The windy day

Posted on January 27, 2013 by JokesLab
dreams-of-animals-how-to-shit-on-human

George set out on a very windy day to see his friend Sam who was sick in bed. Hours later, he pulled his weary body into Sam's house. Sam asked him how it was. ''I'll tell ya, it was just brutal. For every step I took forwards, I fell back two steps.'' ''Then how ever did you ...

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Black and white in weddings

Posted on January 26, 2013 by JokesLab
dude-you-will-get-three-mother-in-laws

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?" His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life." The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?

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Golf cheat

Posted on January 25, 2013 by JokesLab
bikini-girls-club

Sitting at a table in the clubhouse after a game, Joe said to a fellow club member, "I’m not about to play golf with Jim Walsh anymore. He cheats." "Why do you say that?" "Well, he found his lost ball two feet from the green." "That’s possible." "Not when I had it in my pocket!

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Little Johnny

Posted on January 24, 2013 by JokesLab
a-curious-baby-checking-mother-buttocks

There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn't know what Johnny's problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him. They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes ...

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Wrong way

Posted on January 23, 2013 by JokesLab
Funny-expressway-parking-only-seen-in-USA

There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ''Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!'' Herman says, ''I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!''

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Dead mouse in the hot chile

Posted on January 22, 2013 by JokesLab
big-breast-helps

A guy sits down in a Cafe’ and asks for the hot chile. The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl." He looks over and sees that the guy’s finished his meal, but the chili bowl is still full. He says, "Are you going to eat that?" The other guy says, "No. Help yourself." He takes ...

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What kind of boy did your daughter marry?

Posted on January 21, 2013 by JokesLab
funny-wedding-cake-you-cannot-run-away

Congratulating a friend after her son and daughter got married within a month of each other, a woman asked, "What kind of boy did your daughter marry?" "Oh, he’s wonderful," gushed the mother. "He lets her sleep late, ants her to go to the beauty parlor regularly, and insists on taking her out to dinner every ...

Posted in Family Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Your Momma Jokes | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Deer Tracks

Posted on January 20, 2013 by JokesLab
sexy-girls-sun-bath-in-car-park

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, ''Those must be deer tracks''! The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks''! The third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!" They where still arguing 10 mins. later when a ...

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I’m four

Posted on January 19, 2013 by JokesLab
look-like-girl-and-dog

A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside world. When finally his work was done, he emerged in the middle of a preschool playground. "I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted. "So what," said a little girl. "I'm four."

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Bad weather

Posted on January 18, 2013 by JokesLab
cheater-agirl-with-two-guys

A guy goes fishing every Saturday morning. He gets up early and eager, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes, all day long. Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to hook ...

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