Category Archives: Church and God Jokes

jokes on church and God related issues

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safety-driving-school

A hardworking female executive dies and meets St. Peter at the pearly gates and he says, “You’ve shown an outstanding aptitude for making business decisions. Choose whether you will go to heaven or to hell.” “I don’t know!” she flounders. … Continue reading

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Dopey shagged a penguin

dog-has-sex-with-monkey

The seven dwarves are in Rome visiting the Vatican, when Dopey goes up to the Pope’s door and rings the doorbell. The pope answers the door, and asks: “Dopey, my son, what can I do for you?” Dopey asks, “Excuse … Continue reading

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Jesus saves

funny-best-details-of-the-model

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. Finally God said, “Cool it. I am … Continue reading

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Christian bear

free-blow-job-if-you-buy-coke-here

One day this Preacher decided that he would skip church and go hunting. When in the woods he came upon a bear. He started running, and he ran for a while until all of a sudden he tripped over a … Continue reading

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The Lord will provide

funny-shark-seat-and-woman

Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find that the river had flooded the entire first floor of her house. Looking out of her window, she saw that the water was still rising. Two men passing by on a … Continue reading

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The creation of man

funny-blow-job

God created the mule, and told him, ” You will be a mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back.   You will eat grass and lack intelligence.  You will live for 50 years.” The … Continue reading

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Meals on wheels

funny-statue-fucking-a-cat

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful — she had to sleep in cold back … Continue reading

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Hymn #365

funny-and-sexy-ads-flirt-vodka

A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression, he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.” With even greater emphasis, he said, “And if I … Continue reading

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Thrown from heaven

funny-bird-reading-pooping-on-people

A four-year-old boy and his father went to the beach. There was a dead seagull lying on the sand. The boy asked his father, ”Dad, what happened to the birdie?” His dad told him, ”Son, the bird died and went … Continue reading

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Two nights only

funny-failed-ads-smoking

A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their life. Doctor: ”I … Continue reading

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Sexes of parrots

funny-Shopping-Bag-mans-head

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time. She spends weeks staring at … Continue reading

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Parrot and the robber

sex-education-condom-protect-yourself

One night a robber broke into a home and heard a voice say, ”Jesus is watching you!”while he rummaged through the desk. He replied, ”Who said that?!” Once again he heard the same thing, ”Jesus is watching you!” The robber … Continue reading

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One good deed

funny-erection

A guy just died and he’s at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafin’ through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy. St. Peter goes through the Book several times and furrows … Continue reading

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Parrot talk

funny-bird-pooping-on-people

One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a parrot. He found one that he liked and went up to the counter to buy it. The store clerk saw which parrot he had picked out and said, … Continue reading

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Care for mother-in-law

offline finally in the tomb

A man, his wife and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, “You can have her shipped home for £5,000, or you can bury her here … Continue reading

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Woman’s Intelligence

funny-shopping-bag-sexy-thigh

One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so. The first man prayed to God, saying, “Please … Continue reading

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How to get into heaven?

funny-girl-reject-christ-receive-bacon

“If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?” I asked the children in my Sunday school class. “NO!” the children all … Continue reading

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Einstein, Picasso and Bush

funny-bird-pooping-on-people

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, “You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really … Continue reading

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A teacher, a garbage collector and a lawyer

One day, a teacher, a garbage collector and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the … Continue reading

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Cowboy Joe

funny-fat-panties

Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church. “When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral,” Joe began. “You mean the parking lot,” … Continue reading

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