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Category Archives: Church and God Jokes
The 7 dwarves
The 7 Dwarves are standing outside a convent. Then Happy goes and knocks on the door. A nun answers and says “Can I help you, my child?” Happy says “Are there any 3 foot nuns in this convent?” The nun … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, Bar Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes
Tagged animal, dwarf, nun, penguin, sex
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Adam and Eve
When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. “You’re running around with other women,” she told her mate. “Eve, honey, you’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded. “You know you’re the only woman on earth.” The quarrel … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes
Tagged Adam, Eve, relationship, rib, woman
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God is doing a better job now
A little girl is sitting on her grandpa’s lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled. Finally … Continue reading
Prayers
A lady approaches her priest and tells him “Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the priest inquired. “They only know how to … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes
Tagged parrot, pray, priest
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Top 10 worst things to say at a funeral
11) I’m spiking the punch at the reception. That’ll liven things up! 10) Hey! Did I just see the dead guy move? 9) Hey, this is the first time Grandpa’s been stiff in twenty years! 8) The sonofabitch is lucky … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes, Top 10 List
Tagged funeral, top 10 list
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Top ten things you never hear in church
10. Hey! It’s my turn to sit in the front pew. 9. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time. 8. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf. 7. I’ve decided to … Continue reading
The seventeenth chapter of Mark
A minister wound up the services one morning by saying, ”Next Sunday I am going to preach on the subject of liars. And in this connection, as a preparation for my discourse, I would like you all to read the … Continue reading
Prayer for the winning
What’s the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino? In a casino, you really mean it!
Atheism
Q: Why is atheism a non-profit religion? A: They have no prophets!
Creative writing
A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery. The prize-winning essay read, “My God,” said the Queen, “I’m pregnant. I wonder whose it is?”
Posted in Campus Jokes, Church and God Jokes
Tagged pregnant, queen, religion, royal, sex, writing
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They think they’re the only ones here
A man arrived at the gates of Heaven. St. Peter asked, “Religion?” The man said, “Methodist.” St. Peter looked down his list and said,” Go to Room 24, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8.” Another man arrived … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes
Tagged Baptist, Catholic, Jewish, Methodist, religion, St. Peter
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The head hog
A man called the church office one day and said, “Can I please speak to the head hog at the trough?” The secretary, highly offended, said, “If you mean the pastor, then you may refer to him as ’Pastor’ or … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes
Tagged donation, priest, secretary
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God’s speed of service
A man asked God how much a million dollars was to him. God replied, ”Oh, about one penny.” Then the man asked how much an eternity was to him. God replied, ”Oh, about a second.” Then the man asked. ”Can … Continue reading
NOAH’s ARK – a modern tale
And the Lord spoke to Noah: ”In six months I’m going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and … Continue reading
They walked
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. ”I’ll make a deal with you,” said his father. “You bring your grades up, … Continue reading
KFC: our daily chicken
A salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers him a million dollars if he would change “The Lord’s Prayer” from “give us this day our daily bread” to “give us this day our daily chicken.” The Pope … Continue reading
Baseball in heaven
There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, “Do you think there’s baseball in heaven?” … Continue reading
Five good leads
Tommy Shaughnessy enters the confessional box and says, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.” The priest asks, “Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?” “Yes, Father, it is.” “And who was the woman … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes
Tagged priest, sex, woman
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Long sermon
A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterward the pastor asked the man where he had gone. … Continue reading
Torpedos
There was this woman who wanted bigger boobs. So she prayed to God and prayed and prayed, and eventually she got an answer — God told her that every time someone said ”pardon me” to her, her boobs would get … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Restaurant Jokes
Tagged breast, God, restaurant, woman
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