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Category Archives: Animal Jokes
Shooting an elephant
How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant? Hold its trunk until it goes blue and the shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
Posted in Animal Jokes, Short Q & A, Texas Jokes Tagged blue, bullet, elephant, gun, pink Leave a comment
Blonde’s horses
A blonde buys two horses and she can’t tell them apart. So she asks the farmer next door what to do. He says to cut one of their tails off. So she does. But then the other horse’s tail gets … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, Blonde Jokes, People Jokes, Texas Jokes, Veterinarian Jokes Tagged blonde, horse, neighbour Leave a comment
Bush, Cheney and the deer
Bush and Cheney went hunting, killed a giant buck, and were dragging it by the legs back to their car, when they were approached by a seasoned old hunter. “Hello, Mr. President, and Vice President. If I may please make … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, Holiday Jokes, People Jokes, Politician Jokes, Texas Jokes Tagged deer, Dick Cheney, direction, George Dubya Bush, hunting, truck Leave a comment
Mad Cow!
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, ”So what do you think of mad cow disease?” The other replies, ”I dunno, I’m a chicken.”
Programmer and frog
A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, Computer Jokes, People Jokes Tagged frog, girl friend, nerd, princess, programmer Leave a comment
Elephant and man
What did the elephant say to the naked man? ”It’s nice, but can it pick up peanuts?”
Posted in Animal Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes Tagged elephant, man, nake, peanut, penis Leave a comment
First sex with sheep
Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where h’d first had sex. “It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Texas Jokes Tagged animal, car, daughter, mother, road, sex, sheep Leave a comment
Colored hair
An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors:green, red, orange, blue, and yellow. The old man just stared. … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes Tagged bench, hair, hairdo, mall, man, peacock, sex Leave a comment
Little Johnny’s essay
Little Johnny’s teacher said, “Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister’s.” Did you copy hers?, she asked. Johnny replied, “No, teacher, it’s the same dog!”
Posted in Animal Jokes, Campus Jokes, Kids Jokes Tagged campus, child, dog, essay, homework Leave a comment
Gorilla in a Tree
As he is quietly watching television at home, a man hears a sound on the roof of his house and rushes out to investigate. Seeing it is a fair-sized gorilla tearing the shingles off his home, he promptly calls up … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, Office Jokes Tagged animal, baseball, gorrila, gun, home, tree, zoo Leave a comment
A dog named Sex
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him “Rover” or “Spot”. I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog’s license, I told the … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, Office Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes Tagged divorce, dog, girl friend, license, marriage, name, sex, wife Leave a comment
A parrot on the plane
On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks “And get me a whisky you cow!” The stewardess, flustered, … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, Hotel and Travel Jokes, People Jokes Tagged airplane, animal, coffee, complain, fly, parrot, stewardess, whisky Leave a comment
Bad dog
This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, Family Jokes, People Jokes, Texas Jokes Tagged bath, cage, dog, neighbour, rabbit Leave a comment
Sex with parrot
One day there was a teenage punk-rock boy who decided to go to the local shopping mall. He had just about the craziest hair-do you could imagine. His hair was spiked into chunks all over his head, and each spike … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes Tagged boy, drink, hair, parrot, sex, son, teenage Leave a comment
What did the chicken do?
There’s this fellow with a parrot. And the parrot swears like a sailor. I mean he’s a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, polite, conservative … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, Family Jokes, Office Jokes Tagged chicken, parrot, refrigerator, sailor, vocabulary Leave a comment
Hot dog
Two immigrants arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between the Old Country and the U.S. One of them says that he’s heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they’re going to fit in, … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Animal Jokes, Hotel and Travel Jokes, Restaurant Jokes Tagged dog, hot dog, restaurant, USA Leave a comment
The FBI, CIA, LAPD, and some rabbits
The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Animal Jokes, Police Jokes, Politician Jokes Tagged bear, CIA, FBI, forest, investigation, LAPD, rabbit Leave a comment
Difference between woman and dog
What’s the difference between a woman and dog at your front door? The dog will stop barking once you let it in!
Posted in Animal Jokes, Family Jokes, Short Q & A Tagged animal, bark, dog, door, wife, woman Leave a comment
Feed the goldfish
A blonde had some goldfish and she did not know how to feed them. So she called her brunette friend, and she showed her how. Once they were done feeding them, the blonde said, ”Now, what do I give them … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, Blonde Jokes, People Jokes Tagged animal, blonde, brunette, drink, fish, food, goldfish Leave a comment
Blonde’s sheep
Once there was a blonde driving home from work when she saw a sheep farm. She stops and asks the farmer if she can have a sheep. The farmer says “If you can count all my sheep I’ll let you … Continue reading
Posted in Animal Jokes, Blonde Jokes, Hotel and Travel Jokes, People Jokes, Texas Jokes Tagged blonde, dog, driving, farmer, sheep Leave a comment