Category Archives: Animal Jokes

Jokes on animals, dogs, snakes.monkeys..

Shooting an elephant

Posted on December 8, 2012 by JokesLab
funny-handgun-bag

How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant? Hold its trunk until it goes blue and the shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

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Blonde’s horses

Posted on November 27, 2012 by JokesLab
cigarette-glasses

A blonde buys two horses and she can’t tell them apart. So she asks the farmer next door what to do. He says to cut one of their tails off. So she does. But then the other horse’s tail gets … Continue reading →

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Bush, Cheney and the deer

Posted on November 26, 2012 by JokesLab
Dmitry-Medvedev-got-faked-jacket

Bush and Cheney went hunting, killed a giant buck, and were dragging it by the legs back to their car, when they were approached by a seasoned old hunter. “Hello, Mr. President, and Vice President. If I may please make … Continue reading →

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Mad Cow!

Posted on October 27, 2012 by JokesLab
cow-pole-dance

There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, ”So what do you think of mad cow disease?” The other replies, ”I dunno, I’m a chicken.”

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Programmer and frog

Posted on October 8, 2012 by JokesLab
nerds-shirt-i-screw-i-nut-i-bolt

A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. … Continue reading →

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Elephant and man

Posted on September 21, 2012 by JokesLab
funny-wedding-cake-show-your-weapon

What did the elephant say to the naked man? ”It’s nice, but can it pick up peanuts?”

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First sex with sheep

Posted on September 5, 2012 by JokesLab
group-sex-doggy-style

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where h’d first had sex. “It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and … Continue reading →

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Colored hair

Posted on September 3, 2012 by JokesLab
funny-wedding-harido

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors:green, red, orange, blue, and yellow. The old man just stared. … Continue reading →

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Little Johnny’s essay

Posted on September 2, 2012 by JokesLab
why-dog-is-better-than-boy-friend

Little Johnny’s teacher said, “Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister’s.” Did you copy hers?, she asked. Johnny replied, “No, teacher, it’s the same dog!”

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Gorilla in a Tree

Posted on September 1, 2012 by JokesLab
funny-dog-taking-bag-on-bicycles

As he is quietly watching television at home, a man hears a sound on the roof of his house and rushes out to investigate. Seeing it is a fair-sized gorilla tearing the shingles off his home, he promptly calls up … Continue reading →

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A dog named Sex

Posted on August 27, 2012 by JokesLab
a-dog-named-sex

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him “Rover” or “Spot”. I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog’s license, I told the … Continue reading →

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A parrot on the plane

Posted on July 13, 2012 by JokesLab
sex-education-she-may-look-clean-but

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks “And get me a whisky you cow!” The stewardess, flustered, … Continue reading →

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Bad dog

Posted on July 10, 2012 by JokesLab
why-lie-i-need-a-cold-beer

This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he … Continue reading →

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Sex with parrot

Posted on July 5, 2012 by JokesLab
funny-hairdo-mouth-eyes-nose

One day there was a teenage punk-rock boy who decided to go to the local shopping mall. He had just about the craziest hair-do you could imagine. His hair was spiked into chunks all over his head, and each spike … Continue reading →

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What did the chicken do?

Posted on July 4, 2012 by JokesLab
crazy-guy-checking-girls-breast

There’s this fellow with a parrot. And the parrot swears like a sailor. I mean he’s a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, polite, conservative … Continue reading →

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Hot dog

Posted on June 29, 2012 by JokesLab
funny-cat-riding-dog

Two immigrants arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between the Old Country and the U.S. One of them says that he’s heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they’re going to fit in, … Continue reading →

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The FBI, CIA, LAPD, and some rabbits

Posted on June 27, 2012 by JokesLab
dog-photo-and-cat-bomb

The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has … Continue reading →

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Difference between woman and dog

Posted on June 20, 2012 by JokesLab
mimi-skirt-girl-fuck-you

What’s the difference between a woman and dog at your front door? The dog will stop barking once you let it in!

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Feed the goldfish

Posted on June 4, 2012 by JokesLab
funny-curious-dolphin-kissing-woman

A blonde had some goldfish and she did not know how to feed them. So she called her brunette friend, and she showed her how. Once they were done feeding them, the blonde said, ”Now, what do I give them … Continue reading →

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Blonde’s sheep

Posted on May 30, 2012 by JokesLab
funny-photobomb-beauty-and-buttocks

Once there was a blonde driving home from work when she saw a sheep farm. She stops and asks the farmer if she can have a sheep. The farmer says “If you can count all my sheep I’ll let you … Continue reading →

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