Prayers

Posted on August 7, 2011 by JokesLab

A lady approaches her priest and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how to say, ’Hi, we’re prostitutes. Want to have some fun?’" "That’s terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a ...

Posted in Animal Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Painting

Posted on July 31, 2011 by JokesLab

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall. She showed him the instructions on ...

Posted in Blonde Jokes, Office Jokes | Tagged , | Leave a comment

The honeymoon cruise

Posted on July 31, 2011 by JokesLab

A man and his wife were going on a cruise for their honeymoon. They packed their bags and got ready to go but forgot two things - condoms and dramamine, since the man gets terrible motion sickness on ships. So the man and his wife stop at the store on the way to the cruise, and ...

Posted in Hospital Jokes, Hotel and Travel Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Stayin’ alive

Posted on July 31, 2011 by JokesLab

A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life. He said, "You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you’ll live to a nice ripe old age." So the cowboy did this religiously every day, and sure enough, lived to the nice ripe old age of 96. When he died he ...

Posted in Family Jokes | Tagged | Leave a comment

Top 10 worst things to say at a funeral

Posted on July 31, 2011 by JokesLab

11) I'm spiking the punch at the reception. That'll liven things up! 10) Hey! Did I just see the dead guy move? 9) Hey, this is the first time Grandpa's been stiff in twenty years! 8) The sonofabitch is lucky he's dead. He still owes me twenty bucks! 7) (to children) Be quiet or we'll ...

Posted in Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes, Top 10 List | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Top ten things you never hear in church

Posted on July 31, 2011 by JokesLab

10. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew. 9. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time. 8. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf. 7. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists. 6. I volunteer to be ...

Posted in Church and God Jokes, Top 10 List | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Strangers on a Train

Posted on July 31, 2011 by JokesLab

A scientist gets on a train to go to New York. His cabin also has a poor farmer in it. To pass the time the scientist decides to play a game with the guy. "I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong, you have to pay ...

Posted in Animal Jokes, Hotel and Travel Jokes, Science Jokes | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Penis demands a raise

Posted on July 23, 2011 by JokesLab

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: * I do physical labor * I work at great depths * I work head first * I do not get weekends off or public holidays * I work in a damp environment * I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties * I work in a dark workplace ...

Posted in Family Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes | Tagged , | Leave a comment

The most venomous snake

Posted on July 23, 2011 by JokesLab

The Most Venomous Snake In The World NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake) LOCATION: Throughout the world DESCRIPTION: One-eyed, with mushroom-shaped head (other types come with extra layers of skin) Varying from pink to black. Fang-less with a highly venomous spit. (Spit can reach distances up to 2-3 feet) Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood & ...

Posted in Family Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Is that all we have left?

Posted on July 23, 2011 by JokesLab

A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to ...

Posted in Family Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Deaf couple signalling for sex

Posted on July 19, 2011 by JokesLab
eat-boobs

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can’t see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don’t we ...

Posted in Family Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

The house

Posted on July 11, 2011 by JokesLab

What kind of house weighs the least? A lighthouse.

Posted in Short Q & A | Tagged | Leave a comment

Hierarchy

Posted on July 11, 2011 by JokesLab

From: General Manager To: Departmental Heads ''On Friday evening at 5 p.m., Halley's Comet will be visible in this area—an event which occurs only once every 76 years. Please have the employees assemble in the park area outside the building and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. ...

Posted in Office Jokes, Science Jokes | Tagged , | Leave a comment

The seventeenth chapter of Mark

Posted on July 11, 2011 by JokesLab

A minister wound up the services one morning by saying, ''Next Sunday I am going to preach on the subject of liars. And in this connection, as a preparation for my discourse, I would like you all to read the seventeenth chapter of Mark''. On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin and said, ...

Posted in Church and God Jokes | Tagged | Leave a comment

Prayer for the winning

Posted on July 11, 2011 by JokesLab

What's the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino? In a casino, you really mean it!

Posted in Church and God Jokes, Short Q & A | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Air conditioning

Posted on July 11, 2011 by JokesLab

A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he’d asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and ...

Posted in Restaurant Jokes | Tagged , | Leave a comment

The barking dog

Posted on July 11, 2011 by JokesLab

Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at 4:44 A.M. by his ringing telephone. "Your dog’s barking, and it’s keeping me awake," said an angry voice. Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up. The next morning at precisely 4:44 A.M., Bernard called his neighbor back. "Good morning, ...

Posted in Animal Jokes, People Jokes | Tagged , | Leave a comment

The new number

Posted on July 11, 2011 by JokesLab

After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend's new telephone number, I dialed him and got a woman. "Is Robert there?" I asked. "Here's in the shower," she responded. "Please tell him his girlfriend called," I said and hung up. When he did not return the call, I dialed again. This time a man answered. "This is ...

Posted in Family Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Self fix

Posted on July 11, 2011 by JokesLab

When my printer’s type began to grow faint, I called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed me that, probably, the printer only needed to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might be better off reading the printer’s manual and trying the job myself. Pleasantly surprised ...

Posted in Computer Jokes, Office Jokes | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Essential desert objects

Posted on July 8, 2011 by JokesLab

A judge was punishing three men because they had committed a crime. Their sentence was a few years in the desert. He said that they could each take one thing with them. The first guy decides to take an umbrella, so that he can have shade whenever he wants. The second guy decides to take a water ...

Posted in Blonde Jokes, Car Jokes, Lawyer Jokes, People Jokes | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment