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Tag Archives: dog
1. I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain. 2. I’m in shape. Round is a shape. 3. Ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you, but when you take … Continue reading
The taco Bell chihuahua dog, a doberman, and a bulldog all walk into a bar. A female collie then walks in.The collie says, ”Whoever can say liver and cheese the most creativly, can have me.” So the bulldog goes ”I … Continue reading
God created the mule, and told him, ” You will be a mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years.” The … Continue reading
Two boys are playing football in Central Park when one is attacked by a rabid rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips a board off of a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog’s collar and twists, breaking the dog’s … Continue reading
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted. 3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, … Continue reading
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, ”Vietnam, 1969.” The other points his … Continue reading
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: “10 lamb chops, please.” Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly … Continue reading
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says ”Look at that dog with one eye!” The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says ”Where?”
Once there was a blonde driving home from work when she saw a sheep farm.She stops and asks the farmer if she can have a sheep. The farmer says “If you can count all my sheep I’ll let you have … Continue reading
A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. “I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name ‘Marylou’ written on it,” … Continue reading
One night a robber broke into a home and heard a voice say, ”Jesus is watching you!”while he rummaged through the desk. He replied, ”Who said that?!” Once again he heard the same thing, ”Jesus is watching you!” The robber … Continue reading
A guy comes walking into a bar with a turtle in his hand. The turtle’s one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape. The bartender looks … Continue reading
One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about … Continue reading
A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. “Well,” says the personnel director, “You’ll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute.” Sitting down at the typewriter, the … Continue reading
There were three horny dogs (A British bulldog, A German shephard and a Chihuaha) A poodle walked by and she says “I’ll let one of you fuck me if you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence” The … Continue reading
A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Johnny what is your problem?” Johnny answered, “I’m too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I’m smarter than … Continue reading
Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon … Continue reading