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Category Archives: Computer Jokes
A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. … Continue reading
Two 6 year old boys were attending religious school and giving the teachers problems. The teachers had tried everything to make them behave – time outs, notes home, missed recesses – but could do nothing with them. Finally the boys … Continue reading
A man was mowing his lawn when he heard his neighbor, who happened to be a blonde, come out of her house. She opened her mailbox, looked inside and slammed it shut. She stomped her foot and went back inside. … Continue reading
My friend was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen. After about 15 … Continue reading
Customer: “My computer crashed!” Tech Support: “It crashed?” Customer: “Yeah, it won’t let me play my game.” Tech Support: “All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot.” Customer: “No, it didn’t crash-it crashed.” Tech Support: “Huh?” Customer: “I crashed my game. That’s … Continue reading
It’s wise to remember how easily email can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business … Continue reading
A rather inhibited engineer finally splurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean. It was the “craziest” thing he had ever done in his life. Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared upon the huge ship, … Continue reading
MEMORANDUM RE: Computer Software Warning Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it’s a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 … Continue reading
Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as “Bonkistry”. He has been around forever, so I wouldn’t put it past him to come up with … Continue reading
A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a fancy new watch, covered with buttons and lights and dials. The woman next to him says, “Wow, that’s a really fancy watch.” “Thanks, says the guy, “It’s the cutting … Continue reading
Upon dying, Bill Gates went to purgatory. St. Peter said to his, “Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go”. … Continue reading
1. PCMCIA People Canot Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms 2. ISDN It Still Does Nothing 3. APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity 4. SCSI System Canot See It 5. DOS Defunct Operating System 6. BASIC Billos Attempt to Seize Industry Control 7. … Continue reading
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. Finally God said, “Cool it. I am … Continue reading
1. Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the “Any” key is. 2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to … Continue reading
Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors. “If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades,” boasts Gates, “you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it … Continue reading
For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and switched … Continue reading
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard’s DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn’t solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which … Continue reading
TECH: Hello, Friendly Internet. May I help you? CUSTOMER: Oh, hello young man. I was wondering if you offer online banking? TECH: We’re an Internet service provider, ma’am. You can certainly use our service to connect to online banking. CUSTOMER: … Continue reading
Three Apple engineers and three Microsoft employees are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Microsoft employees each buy tickets and watch as the three Apple engineers buy only a single ticket. “How are three people … Continue reading