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Category Archives: Hospital Jokes
Price of heart

A man who was having heart trouble went to the doctor to see what his options were. Naturally, the doctor recommended a heart transplant. The man reluctantly agreed, and asked if there were any hearts immediately available, considering that money … Continue reading
Posted in Hospital Jokes, Lawyer Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Texas Jokes
Tagged doctor, heart, kid, lawyer, smoker, sports
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White House visitor
They won’t let you fart

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Family Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Your Momma Jokes
Tagged chair, fart, mother, nurse
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Undertaker

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Hospital Jokes, People Jokes
Tagged dentist, dinner, speaker, teeth, undertaker
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Below your left breast

Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get … Continue reading
Posted in Family Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Your Momma Jokes
Tagged breast, heart, knee, suicide
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Hot bath

Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath. Just as he’d become comfortable, the front doorbell rang. The man got out of the tub, put on terry cloth slippers and a large towel, wrapped his head in a smaller towel, … Continue reading
Posted in Family Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Miscellaneous Jokes, Office Jokes, Texas Jokes
Tagged bath, doctor, salesman
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Register wedding gifts

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses … Continue reading
Posted in Hospital Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Texas Jokes, Your Momma Jokes
Tagged drug, gift, marriage
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Blonde on a diet

There was blonde who wanted to go on a diet. She went to the doctor and asked for his advice. He said that she was going to go on a diet for three days — “Eat anything and everything you … Continue reading
Posted in Blonde Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Texas Jokes
Tagged blonde, diet, doctor, hospital, skip
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Get your oil changed

There was a 80 year-old man that married a 21 year-old woman. A year later the woman had a baby and the doctor came out and told the old man that he was the father of a 9lb 8oz baby … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Family Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Texas Jokes
Tagged baby, doctor, hospital, husband, marriage, old, sex
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Gassy granny

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least … Continue reading
Posted in Family Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Your Momma Jokes
Tagged doctor, fart, hearing, hospital, sinuses
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Gynecologist work

A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and decided that he needed a career change. He’d always enjoyed tinkering with engines so thought he’d become a mechanic. So he went along to mechanics school and the final test was … Continue reading
Posted in Car Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes
Tagged engine, engineer, gynecologist, job
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Medical term and plain English

The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English … Continue reading
Posted in Family Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Office Jokes
Tagged doctor, exam, lazy, medical, term, wife
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A Brief History of Medicine

A short history of medicine: I have an earache. 2000 B.C. – Here, eat this root. 1000 A.D. – That root is heathen, say this prayer. 1850 A.D. – That prayer is superstition, drink this potion. 1940 A.D. – That … Continue reading
Posted in Hospital Jokes, Science Jokes
Tagged antibiotic, history, medicine, pill, pray, root
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Mow the lawn

A nurse was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered. This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing. It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis … Continue reading
Posted in Hospital Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes
Tagged emergency, lawn, nurse, punk, woman
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The advantages of being a doctor

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” “A doctor?” “And why’s that?” “Because it’s the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill.”
Posted in Campus Jokes, Family Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Office Jokes
Tagged bill, clothes, doctor, husband, woman
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Urine test

Two children are in a doctor’s waiting room, and one of them is crying. “Why are you crying?” asked the other child. “I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger.” When he heard this, the … Continue reading
Posted in Hospital Jokes, Kids Jokes
Tagged blood, child, hospital, medical examination, urine
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Having to face the fact
Corpsalicious!

One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, ”There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Don’t fear anything.” After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up … Continue reading
Posted in Campus Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Science Jokes
Tagged anus, corpse, finger, lick, professor, student
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Good news and bad news

An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: “I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?” Patient: “Well, let me have the bad news first.” Doctor: “You have … Continue reading
Posted in Hospital Jokes, Police Jokes
Tagged bad news, doctor, good news, medical examination
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