JokesLab Funniest Jokes

Underage circumcision?

Posted on April 9, 2013 by JokesLab

Two guys are sharing a hospital room. "What are you in for?" "I'm getting a circumcision." "Damn! I had that done when I was born and I couldn't walk for a year!"

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" ...

Posted in Computer Jokes, Office Jokes | Tagged helicopter, Microsoft | Leave a comment

Parrot boy

Posted on April 6, 2013 by JokesLab

There was a old man sitting on a bench outside the mall. A young man walked who had spiked hair that was orange, yellow, green and red. The old man just looked at him. The young man said '' What's the matter old man? Haven't you ever done anything crazy in your life? '' And the old man ...

Posted in Miscellaneous Jokes | Tagged hair, parrot, sex | Leave a comment

Cute little sayings

Posted on April 5, 2013 by JokesLab

1. Life is sexually transmitted. 2. Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane. 3. It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end. 4. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. 5. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been ...

Posted in Miscellaneous Jokes, Top 10 List | Tagged top 10 list | Leave a comment

Waiter and fart

Posted on April 4, 2013 by JokesLab

A woman walks into a restaurant and sits down. As she bends down to reach into her purse for her wallet, she farts loudly with the waiter right behind her. She sits abruptly back up, glares at the waiter and shouts “Stop that!” To which the waiter replies, “Sure, which way did it go?”

Posted in Restaurant Jokes | Tagged fart, restaurant, waitress | Leave a comment

Mechanical engineers vs. civil enginners

Posted on April 3, 2013 by JokesLab

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Posted in Campus Jokes, Science Jokes, Short Q & A | Tagged engineer, target, weapon | Leave a comment

Priests on a Hawaiian vacation

Posted on April 2, 2013 by JokesLab

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning, they went to the beach, ...

Posted in American Jokes, Church and God Jokes, Holiday Jokes, Hotel and Travel Jokes, People Jokes | Tagged beach, bikini, priest, woman | Leave a comment

If XXX made toasters

Posted on April 1, 2013 by JokesLab

If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three years away and that, indeed, the whole appliance was just blowing smoke. If Hewlett-Packard made toasters... They would market ...

Posted in American Jokes, Computer Jokes, Family Jokes, Science Jokes | Tagged computer, HP, IBM, Microsoft, Oracle, software, toaster | Leave a comment

A few philisophical statements, not pickup lines

Posted on March 31, 2013 by JokesLab

Always take the time to smell the roses... and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee. If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek... nothing gets the message across like a good mooning. If genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, I must be sharing elevators with a lot of bright people. It's always darkest ...

Posted in Miscellaneous Jokes, Science Jokes, Top 10 List | Tagged car, eagle, genius, philosophy, rose | Leave a comment

I got the license plate number

Posted on March 29, 2013 by JokesLab

A blonde was at home watching TV with her friends when she heard a noise. She ran out just in time to see a thief drive off in her car. "Did you see their face?" her friends asked when she came back inside. "No, but it's okay -- I got the license plate number!"

Posted in Blonde Jokes, Car Jokes | Tagged blonde, car, plate number, thief | Leave a comment

Arkansas state residency application

Posted on March 28, 2013 by JokesLab

ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Un-employed Spouse's Name: __________________________ Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin ...

Posted in Arkansas Jokes, Office Jokes | Tagged application, Arkansas, exam, residency | Leave a comment

Blonde looking for a Job

Posted on March 27, 2013 by JokesLab

A blonde was filling out an application form for a job. She promptly filled the columns entitled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc. Then she came to the column: SALARY EXPECTED. ''Yes.''

Posted in Blonde Jokes, Office Jokes | Tagged blonde, job, salary | Leave a comment

One-Armed Blonde

Posted on March 26, 2013 by JokesLab

How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? Wave!

Posted in Blonde Jokes, Short Q & A | Tagged blonde, tree | Leave a comment

I’ll die without them

Posted on March 25, 2013 by JokesLab

A blonde went to go get her haircut wearing pair of headphones. The hairdresser tried to get her to take them off, but the blonde protested. "You can't take those away from me -- I'll die without them!" The hairdresser sighed, and tried to explain how difficult it would be to cut her hair with them on, ...

Posted in American Jokes, Blonde Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes | Tagged blonde, haridresser, headphone | Leave a comment

44 days

Posted on March 22, 2013 by JokesLab

There was this bartender and he was working at the bar one night. In walked a group of blondes and they were chanting ''44 days! 44 days!'' One of the blondes was carrying a picture puzzle of Cookie Monster in a frame. The bartender leaned towards the blonde holding the puzzle and asked, ''Why are you chanting ...

Posted in Bar Jokes, Blonde Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Texas Jokes | Tagged bar, bartender, blonde, puzzle | Leave a comment

College entrance exam: for football players

Posted on March 21, 2013 by JokesLab

You Must Answer Two (2) or More Questions Correctly to Qualify. 1. What language is spoken in France? 2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions. OR Give the first name of PIERRE Trudeau. 3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to: (a) build a bridge (b) sail ...

Posted in Campus Jokes, Country Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Sports Jokes | Tagged exam, football | Leave a comment

Who’s he going to tell?

Posted on March 20, 2013 by JokesLab

One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won't be able to go to work. Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, ''Are you really going to let him get away with this?'' ''No, I guess ...

Posted in Church and God Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Sports Jokes | Tagged God, golf, priest, St. Peter | Leave a comment

Long, hard and…

Posted on March 19, 2013 by JokesLab

Q: What is long, hard, and filled with semen? A: A submarine.

Posted in Miscellaneous Jokes, Science Jokes, Short Q & A | Tagged semen, submarine | Leave a comment

Who is the guy?

Posted on March 18, 2013 by JokesLab

About ten years ago, George Bush was visiting Mikhail Gorbachev at the Kremlin. When he got him alone for a moment, he said to Gorbachev, ''Mikhail, can you help me with a problem? I have some doubts about one of the key people under me. How do you decide that someone is smart enough to work ...

Posted in Politician Jokes, Texas Jokes | Tagged brother, exam, father, George Dubya Bush, son | Leave a comment

Ice hole

Posted on March 14, 2013 by JokesLab

There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish ice fishing. Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win -- they kept pulling out fish after fish. Soon, the blondes got worried and sent over one of their ...

Posted in Blonde Jokes, Sports Jokes, Texas Jokes | Tagged blonde, fishing | Leave a comment

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