Author Archives: JokesLab

For the Sick

A little 9 year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. “Mommy” she said, ” Can we leave now?” “No.” her mother replied. “Well, I think I have to throw up!” “Well, then go … Continue reading

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what happened in Texas?

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen. He comes back into the bar, … Continue reading

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Is your wife for sale?

As US tourists in Lebanon, a man and his wife were sitting outside a souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were … Continue reading

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Cross examination

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial – it went like this: Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of … Continue reading

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What does a Bald Eagle taste like?

A guy is caught by a ranger eating a bald eagle and is consequently put in jail for the crime. On the day of his trial, the conversation went something like this: Judge: “Do you know that eating a bald … Continue reading

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Phone line

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked … Continue reading

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Washington, Nixon, & Clinton

Q: What is the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton? A: Washington couldn’t tell a lie, Nixon couldn’t tell the truth, and Clinton doesn’t know the difference!

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Just A Juggalo

A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys’ car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat. “Sir,” the cop says. “Why do you have … Continue reading

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Definite

A teacher decides that she is going to teach her second grade class a new word today. She tells them that the word is “definitely” and its meaning is “absolute, positive, without a doubt.” She asks the class if anyone … Continue reading

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Announcements

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton, and Bill Gates were invited on the eve of the millennium to have dinner with God. After a little bit of small talk, God informed them that he would be destroying the earth the next day. … Continue reading

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Last wish

A man was scheduled to go before a firing squad for his crimes. The evening before his execution, he was asked what he wanted for his last meal. He refused the meal completely. The next morning the man was brought … Continue reading

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Eye to eye

What did the right eye say to the left eye? Just between you and me. Something smells.

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Suspenders

Two men leave a store. One man walks to his Corvette, the other walks out to his moped. The guy with the moped admires the Corvette and the owner lets him take a look at it. Then he gets on … Continue reading

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Obnoxious pool fun

*Stand on top of the high board and say you won’t come down until your demands are met. *Tell the lifeguards that they aren’t doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people drown today. *Ask people if … Continue reading

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Pa won’t like It

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, “Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I’ll help you get the wagon … Continue reading

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The balcony

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, ”Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The man groaned but didn’t budge. The usher … Continue reading

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Never believe in Washington’s story

‘One time, back in the ”day,” a boy named Johnny was walking to school with his girlfriend. He was trying to impress her, so he said, ”I bet you I can push my father’s outhouse into the river.” She didn’t … Continue reading

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Squawks

Squawks are problems left behind by airplane pilots that are checked for each night. These problems are always solved before the next flight. Here are some actual problems (P) and their solutions (S). (P) Left inside main tire almost needs … Continue reading

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Diet for stress

Breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz. skim milk Lunch: 4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast 1 cup steamed spinach 1 cup herb tea 1 Oreo cookie Mid-Afternoon Snack: The rest of Oreos in the package 2 … Continue reading

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Silly lines

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off. And also, help me to be careful of the toes I … Continue reading

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