Category Archives: Animal Jokes

Jokes on animals, dogs, snakes.monkeys..

Butterfly

curious-man-studying-girls-buttocks

Why did the moron throw the butter out the window? He wanted to see a butterfly.

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Not my dog

hot-dog-mating-monkey

There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch. ”Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?” a tourist asked. The old man looked up over his newspaper and … Continue reading

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Four men and their dogs

funny-wrongly-placed-ads-icecream

Four men, an Engineer, an Accountant, a Chemist and a Government Worker were bragging about how smart their dogs were. To show off, the Engineer called to his dog and said, “T-Square, do your stuff.” T- square trotted over to … Continue reading

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Smart Dog

funny-Japanese-bra-sun-glasses

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in … Continue reading

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Computer dating

funny-wedding-animal-legs-bride-legs

A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating center and registered his qualifications. He wanted someone who enjoyed water sports, liked company, favored formal attire, and was very small. The computer operated faultlessly. It sent him a penguin.  

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Top 10 reasons why cats are small women in fur coat

Top 10 reasons why cats are small women in fur coat

1. Cats do what they want, when they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They’re totally unpredictable. 4. They whine when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play they want to be left alone. 6. … Continue reading

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How to bath a cat

How to bath a cat

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don’t try to bathe him in an open … Continue reading

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Move your cat

Move your cat

Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and … Continue reading

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Help me get this human out of my ass

Help me get this human out of my ass

A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, “May I help you, sir?” The duck says, “Yeah. Help me get this human out of my ass.”

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Lawyers on the beach

Lawyers on the beach

How come you can’t find lawyers sunbathing on the beach? Cats keep covering them over with sand.

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Carrots and rabbits

roosters-playing-soccer

How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

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A day of a deer hunter

funny-kangaroo

Saturday 1:00 A.M. Alarm clock rings. 2:00 A.M. Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed. 2:30 A.M. Throw everything but kitchen sink in camper. 3:00 A.M. Leave for deep woods. 3:15 A.M. Drive back home and pick up gun. … Continue reading

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Mother-in-law

funny-mating-giraffe-and-horse

A small farm boy was milking his cow when all of a sudden a bull came charging towards him. As horrified workers nearby watched, the boy calmly continued his milking. To everyone’s astonishment, the bull stopped a few inches from … Continue reading

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What fish?

sexy-bikini-girl-fishing

A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Algonquin Park recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing The game warden asked the man, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?” … Continue reading

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cat scan and lab tests

hot-dog-mating-monkey

A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body … Continue reading

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Horse identification

funny-horse-ride-dog

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, “what’s the matter?” The fellow replies, “well I’ve got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well… I can’t tell them apart. … Continue reading

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I’m just trying to find out where his head is so I can kick his ass

dreams-of-animals-how-to-shit-on-human

A policeman directing traffic at a busy city intersection one afternoon observed a blind man with his seeing-eye dog waiting to cross the street. All of a sudden, the policeman was aghast at the sight of the seeing-eye dog bolting … Continue reading

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Just for that, I’m not going.

interspecies-friendships

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days … Continue reading

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Thank the lord!

female-santa-claus

There was a guy in the middle of the desert and his car broke down. He started walking and he came to a monastery, where he asked them if he could borrow a mule. The monks lent him one, and … Continue reading

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Turtle Crossing

funny-real-milk-shake

Why did the turtle Cross the road? To get to the ”Shell” station!

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