Long sermon

Posted on July 3, 2011 by JokesLab

A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterward the pastor asked the man where he had gone. ''I went to get a haircut,'' was the reply. ''But,'' ...

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Torpedos

Posted on July 3, 2011 by JokesLab

There was this woman who wanted bigger boobs. So she prayed to God and prayed and prayed, and eventually she got an answer -- God told her that every time someone said ''pardon me'' to her, her boobs would get a little bit bigger. So she was in the grocery store and someone bumped into her ...

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I am not a drunk driver

Posted on July 3, 2011 by JokesLab

A cop pulls over a car that's been swerving across the lanes of a road. "Get out of the car, please." "But I'm not drunk, officer!" "Listen, it doesn't matter if you're drunk or not. If you don't get out of this car, I'll arrest you anyway." "Fine," says the man and gets out of the car. "Okay, now walk ...

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Wrong number

Posted on July 2, 2011 by JokesLab

It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home. ''Hello?'' says a little girl's ...

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Why do you need only two pallbearers at a lawyer’s funeral?

Posted on July 2, 2011 by JokesLab

Why do you need only two pallbearers at a lawyer's funeral? There are only two handles on a garbage can.

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Blonde and pizza

Posted on July 2, 2011 by JokesLab

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. She responded, ''Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.''

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How to fix a dent

Posted on July 2, 2011 by JokesLab

A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he told her that all she had to was to take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent ...

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Blonde in pain

Posted on July 2, 2011 by JokesLab

There was a blonde who was hurting all over so she went to the doctor. The doctor said, ''Where are you hurting?'' She said, ''Everywhere. See?" She touched her arm and said, "OUCH!" She touched her leg and, "OUCH!" She touched her nose, "OUCH!" "See?" she cried, " I am hurting all over!'' The doctor laughed ...

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Blonde’s helicopter lessons

Posted on July 2, 2011 by JokesLab

One day, a blonde went to go get lessons on how to fly a plane. The guy at the airport said there were no more plane flying lessons this year but she could take helicopter lessons. The blonde agreed and the man taught her and said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet ...

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Ouch!

Posted on July 2, 2011 by JokesLab

A blonde's redhead decides to show her a neat way to trick people -- you put your hand on a wall and ask someone to punch it. But before they do, you pull your hand away! "That is a neat trick," thinks the blonde, and tries desperately to remember it, but isn't all too successful. Despite ...

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Blonde vs. ratings system

Posted on July 2, 2011 by JokesLab

Q: What happened when the blonde went to the movie theater? A: She saw the “NC-17: Under 17 not admitted” sign, so she went home and got 16 friends.

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Blonde on blonde jokes again

Posted on July 2, 2011 by JokesLab

A man asked a blonde what she thought about blonde jokes. She replied, ''I think they are good but they might be offensive to some Mexicans."

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Blonde camping

Posted on July 2, 2011 by JokesLab

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead go camping for the weekend. The brunette brings food so they can eat, the red head brings water so they can drink and the blonde brings a car door, so if she gets hot she can roll down a window.

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Open season on lawyers!

Posted on July 2, 2011 by JokesLab

WASHINGTON STATE ATTORNEY SEASON AND BAG LIMITS 1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys. 2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited. 3. Killing of attorneys with ...

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The Lawyer’s Funeral

Posted on July 2, 2011 by JokesLab

A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. “Why are you all at this man's funeral?” A man turns towards him and says, “We're all clients.” “And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching.” “No, ...

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Lawyer partner

Posted on July 2, 2011 by JokesLab

A lawyer lies dying, his partner of 40 years by his bedside. "Jack, I've got to confess. I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years and I'm the father of your daughter, Hillary. On top of that, I've been stealing from the firm for a decade." "Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing ...

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A lawyer and a politician

Posted on July 2, 2011 by JokesLab

What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton.

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Blonde painting

Posted on July 2, 2011 by JokesLab

A road construction manager needed to hire someone to paint the yellow lines down the middle of a newly constructed road. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all get hired. They are each assigned a section of the road. The first day, the blonde paints 2 miles, the redhead 1.5, and the brunette ...

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Blonde in a snowstorm

Posted on July 2, 2011 by JokesLab

A blonde got lost in her car in a snowstorm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. ''If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait for a snow plow and follow it.'' Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for ...

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The blonde hostess

Posted on July 2, 2011 by JokesLab

Why did the blonde have empty beer cans in her fridge? For people who don't drink.

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