Real Stories of the Non-Technical

Posted on July 6, 2011 by JokesLab

REAL STORIES OF THE NON-TECHNICAL I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.  The person who answered said, "Bob is on vacation.  Would you like to hold?" -------------------------------- I worked with an individual who plugged their power strip back into itself and for the life of them could not understand why their computer would not turn ...

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Top ten ways tofreak out your roommate

Posted on July 6, 2011 by JokesLab

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and ...

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Fun things at a drive-thru

Posted on July 6, 2011 by JokesLab

1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and let your passenger order. 2. Ask prices of everything on the menu and then order something that you did not ask the price for. 3. Pretend like your window is broken. Tell the employee this. Order with your door open, pay with your door open. Roll down ...

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Mental institution exam

Posted on July 6, 2011 by JokesLab

Jon and Dan were in a mental institution. This place had an annual contest, picking two of the best patients and giving them two questions. If they answered correctly, they were deemed cured and free to go. Jon was called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understood that he'd be free if he ...

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Actual police quotes

Posted on July 6, 2011 by JokesLab

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." "The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." "So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have ...

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Parrot spy

Posted on July 6, 2011 by JokesLab

One day I guy walks past a shop and saw a parrot. He said "I will get him to watch my wife at home". But the parrot had no legs so it hung by its dick. He took the parrot home and said "Watch my wife, I think she's cheating on me." So he ...

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Material data sheet of woman

Posted on July 6, 2011 by JokesLab

Element: Woman Symbol: Wo Discoverer: Adam Atomic Mass: Accepted as 118lbs., known to vary from 110 to 550lbs. Occurrence: Copious quantities throughout the world. Physical properties: Surface usually covered with a painted field and a variety of esthers. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason. Melts when given special treatment. Bitter if incorrectly used. Found in states varying from virgin metal to common ore. Yields to pressure ...

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Bush and Moses

Posted on July 6, 2011 by JokesLab

George W. Bush was passing through an airplane terminal and he noticed an old man in a long white robe, with a long white beard, long white hair and carrying two stone tablets in his arms. He approached the man and asked reverently, "Aren't you Moses?" But the man wouldn't listen to him and continued walking. George ...

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Gary Condit’s smiling

Posted on July 6, 2011 by JokesLab

Gary Condit is found dead with a smile on his face. Police investigators find his scorched body and determine he had been struck by lightning. "Why's he smiling?" one officer asks. The other replies, "He thought he was having his picture taken."

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Bush and Cheney on Bush Jokes

Posted on July 6, 2011 by JokesLab

George W. Bush told Dick Cheney, "I really hate all the stupid jokes people make about me." Cheney reassured him by saying, "Jokes can't hurt you. They are just made up by a bunch of stupid people. In fact, most humans are quite stupid. Here, I'll show you what I mean." Cheney goes outside ...

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KFC: our daily chicken

Posted on July 6, 2011 by JokesLab

A salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers him a million dollars if he would change "The Lord's Prayer" from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." The Pope refused his offer. Two weeks later, the man offered the pope 10 million dollars ...

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Bush’s advisors

Posted on July 6, 2011 by JokesLab

G. W. Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid. So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, "Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you." She conference calls Tony Blair in and asks, "Tony, your parents had a baby. It ...

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The rescue

Posted on July 6, 2011 by JokesLab

One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help. It was President Bush. He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him. He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward. The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money. The second ...

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Senate slander

Posted on July 6, 2011 by JokesLab

A member of the United States Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, "Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!" All the other Senators demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the ...

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Redneck top ten

Posted on July 6, 2011 by JokesLab

1) You've ever had to lug a paint can to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor. 2) Your wife's hairdo has ever been destroyed by a ceiling fan. 3) You go to your family reunion to pick up women. 4) Your richest relative buys a new house -- and you have to ...

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Train ticket

Posted on July 6, 2011 by JokesLab

Two Yankees fans are on a train up to Boston to watch their team play the Red Sox. They start making fun of a couple of Red Sox supporters who only have one ticket between the two of them. Just before the conductor appears both Red Sox fans go into the bathroom and lock the door ...

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Baseball in heaven

Posted on July 6, 2011 by JokesLab

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?" Soloman thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno, Abe. But let's make a ...

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Redneck father and son

Posted on July 6, 2011 by JokesLab

You might be a redneck if your father walks you to school because you're both in the same grade!

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Rednecks clean the toilet

Posted on July 6, 2011 by JokesLab

Y'might be a redneck, if you clean your toilet by peein' on the stains!

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Redneck rules

Posted on July 6, 2011 by JokesLab

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating. Just because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can't stay home the two days of the year it snows. If you do run your car into a ditch, ...

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