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Category Archives: Lawyer Jokes
1000 Valentine cards
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and … Continue reading
Posted in Lawyer Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Valentine's Day Jokes Tagged card, gift, lawyer, Valentine's day Leave a comment
Lawyers on the beach
How come you can’t find lawyers sunbathing on the beach? Cats keep covering them over with sand.
Third question
A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates. “Fifty dollars for three questions, ” replied the lawyer. “Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked the man. “Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?”
Mrs. Jones, do you know me?
A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial — a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. … Continue reading
Great-uncle George
The Smith’s were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators and Wall Street wizards. They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They … Continue reading
Posted in Family Jokes, Lawyer Jokes, People Jokes, Politician Jokes Tagged execution, prison Leave a comment
Bad lawyer
Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad? A: Senator.
God sues Satan, Satan laughs, why?
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.” So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Lawyer Jokes Tagged engineer, God, lawyer, Satan, St. Peter Leave a comment
Looking for loopholes
Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before he died? He was looking for loopholes!
Where’s my Rolex?
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver’s side … Continue reading
Posted in Lawyer Jokes, Office Jokes, Texas Jokes Tagged car, lawyer, Lexus, police, Rolex, watch Leave a comment
Definition of crying shame
Q: What is the definition “lucky break?” A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff. Q: What is the definition of a “crying shame”? A: There was an empty seat.
In-laws and out-laws
What is the difference between out-laws, and in-laws? Out-laws are wanted.
Question for lawyer
A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident. So when they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that, unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded, so they each have to answer a question correctly for … Continue reading
Posted in Church and God Jokes, Lawyer Jokes Tagged accident, heaven, lawyer, St. Peter, teacher, thief, Titanic Leave a comment
Surgeon’s favourite
Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on. The first surgeon said, “I like operating on librarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order”. The second surgeon said, “I like operating on accountants. … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Lawyer Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Politician Jokes Tagged accountant, doctor, electrician, lawyer, librarian Leave a comment
Things people really said in court
Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: This myasthenia gravis — does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? … Continue reading
Posted in American Jokes, Lawyer Jokes, Short Q & A, Texas Jokes Tagged birthday, court, lawyer, memory, question Leave a comment
Price of heart
A man who was having heart trouble went to the doctor to see what his options were. Naturally, the doctor recommended a heart transplant. The man reluctantly agreed, and asked if there were any hearts immediately available, considering that money … Continue reading
Posted in Hospital Jokes, Lawyer Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Texas Jokes Tagged doctor, heart, kid, lawyer, smoker, sports Leave a comment
A lawyer and a sperm
What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common? They both hope to be human someday.
Posted in Lawyer Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Short Q & A Tagged human, lawyer, sperm Leave a comment
Third question
A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates. “Fifty dollars for three questions, ” replied the lawyer. “Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked the man. “Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?”
when a lawyer is about to lie?
How can you tell when a lawyer is about to lie? His lips start moving.
From beautiful to cute
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had … Continue reading
Posted in Family Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Lawyer Jokes, Office Jokes Tagged hospital, lawyer, surgery, wife Leave a comment
Leech and lawyer
What is the difference between a leech and a lawyer? The leech stops sucking you dry after you’re dead.