Category Archives: Lawyer Jokes

Jokes on lawyers

1000 Valentine cards

1000 Valentine cards

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and … Continue reading

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Lawyers on the beach

Lawyers on the beach

How come you can’t find lawyers sunbathing on the beach? Cats keep covering them over with sand.

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Third question

what was your third question?

A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates. “Fifty dollars for three questions, ” replied the lawyer. “Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked the man. “Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?”

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Mrs. Jones, do you know me?

funny-revenge-pee-to-your-neighbours-car

A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial — a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. … Continue reading

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Great-uncle George

Dmitry-Medvedev-got-faked-jacket

The Smith’s were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators and Wall Street wizards. They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They … Continue reading

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Bad lawyer

5-us-presidents-funny-obama-over-bush

Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad? A: Senator.

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God sues Satan, Satan laughs, why?

funny-shirt-huge-pen-or-huge-penis

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.” So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty … Continue reading

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Looking for loopholes

buttocks-shot

Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before he died? He was looking for loopholes!

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Where’s my Rolex?

Dmitry-Medvedev-got-faked-jacket

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver’s side … Continue reading

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Definition of crying shame

5-us-presidents-funny-obama-over-bush

Q: What is the definition “lucky break?” A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff. Q: What is the definition of a “crying shame”? A: There was an empty seat.

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In-laws and out-laws

photo_bombs-eating-boobs

What is the difference between out-laws, and in-laws? Out-laws are wanted.

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Question for lawyer

funny-gorilla-enjoying-the-breast

A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident. So when they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that, unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded, so they each have to answer a question correctly for … Continue reading

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Surgeon’s favourite

funny-old-gentleman-and-boobs

Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on. The first surgeon said, “I like operating on librarians.  When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order”. The second surgeon said, “I like operating on accountants.  … Continue reading

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Things people really said in court

checking-boyfriend-bird

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: This myasthenia gravis — does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? … Continue reading

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Price of heart

funny-gorilla-enjoying-the-breast

A man who was having heart trouble went to the doctor to see what his options were. Naturally, the doctor recommended a heart transplant. The man reluctantly agreed, and asked if there were any hearts immediately available, considering that money … Continue reading

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A lawyer and a sperm

funny-gorilla-enjoying-the-breast

What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common? They both hope to be human someday.

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Third question

wearable-nintendo

A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates. “Fifty dollars for three questions, ” replied the lawyer. “Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked the man. “Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?”

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when a lawyer is about to lie?

funny-beggar-need-cash-for-alcohol-research

How can you tell when a lawyer is about to lie? His lips start moving.

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From beautiful to cute

funny-shirt-couple-his-and-hers

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had … Continue reading

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Leech and lawyer

funny-guy-studying-woman-thong

What is the difference between a leech and a lawyer? The leech stops sucking you dry after you’re dead.

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