Top 10 bad things to hear on an airplane

10. This is your captain speaking and I don’t feel that life is worth living anymore.
9. We’re cruising at an altitude of… ah, hell, I don’t know.
8. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?
7. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Just kidding.
6. Would a flight attendant bring me a martini? And keep ’em coming!
5. This is…uh…this is…uh…your…hmm. I seem to have lost my memory.
4. Passengers on the left side of the plane — does that engine sound funny to you?
3. Welcome aboard flight 109 — you bunch of jerks!
2. Good God, Steve! We’re going to crash! Oops — is this intercom on?
1. We’ll be on the ground in 10 minutes. One way or another.