{"id":936,"date":"2012-01-16T05:08:48","date_gmt":"2012-01-16T05:08:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/936\/hospital-jokes\/two-nights-only\/"},"modified":"2012-01-08T02:05:01","modified_gmt":"2012-01-08T02:05:01","slug":"two-nights-only","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/936\/hospital-jokes\/two-nights-only\/","title":{"rendered":"Two nights only"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates.  St. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their life.<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-6498\" title=\"funny-failed-ads-smoking\" src=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/funny-failed-ads-smoking.jpg\" alt=\"funny-failed-ads-smoking\" width=\"350\" height=\"500\" srcset=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/funny-failed-ads-smoking.jpg 350w, https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/funny-failed-ads-smoking-150x214.jpg 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 350px) 100vw, 350px\" \/>Doctor: &#8221;I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for, and healing thousands of poor people.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>St. Peter: &#8221;That&#8217;s great. Go ahead in to heaven.   And what about you, dear?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Nurse: &#8221;I&#8217;ve supported the good doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>St. Peter: &#8221;Wonderful. Please proceed in with the doctor.  And what about you?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Health Maintenance Organization Director: &#8221;I was the president of a very large HMO and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>St. Peter: &#8221;Oh, I see. Please go in&#8230;but you can only stay two nights!&#8221;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<a href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/936\/hospital-jokes\/two-nights-only\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" src=\"\" class=\"alignleft wp-post-image tfe\" alt=\"\" title=\"\" \/><\/a><p>A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their life. Doctor: &#8221;I &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/936\/hospital-jokes\/two-nights-only\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[201,13,14],"tags":[155,1085,1086,282,537,555,207],"class_list":["post-936","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-church-jokes","category-hospital-jokes","category-politician-jokes","tag-doctor","tag-executive","tag-health-care","tag-heaven","tag-hospital","tag-nuese","tag-st-peter"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Two nights only -Church and God Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Politician Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/936\/hospital-jokes\/two-nights-only\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Two nights only -Church and God Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Politician Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their life. 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Choose whether you will go to heaven or to hell.\" \"I don't know!\" she flounders. \"Tell you what,\" St. Peter says, \"You can have 24\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;American Jokes&quot;","block_context":{"text":"American Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/country-jokes\/american-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"safety-driving-school","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/safety-driving-school-400x258.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":984,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/984\/politician-jokes\/bush-einstein-and-picasso\/","url_meta":{"origin":936,"position":2},"title":"Bush, Einstein and Picasso","author":"JokesLab","date":"June 14, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn't let him in until he proved his identity. Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise. 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