{"id":903,"date":"2011-07-03T08:12:33","date_gmt":"2011-07-03T08:12:33","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"2011-07-03T08:12:33","modified_gmt":"2011-07-03T08:12:33","slug":"suffocated","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/903\/people-jokes\/suffocated\/","title":{"rendered":"Suffocated"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm.  His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached.  The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis. &#8220;Incredible!,&#8221; says his friend.  &#8220;Medical science is amazing.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off.  Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached.  The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football. &#8220;Incredible!,&#8221; says his friend.  &#8220;Medical science is amazing!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head.  Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached. The next day he goes to see his friend but can&#8217;t find him.  He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, &#8220;Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday.&#8221;  The doctor thinks for a minute and says, &#8220;Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.&#8221;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<a href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/903\/people-jokes\/suffocated\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" src=\"\" class=\"alignleft wp-post-image tfe\" alt=\"\" title=\"\" \/><\/a><p>Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm. His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/903\/people-jokes\/suffocated\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[13,3],"tags":[681],"class_list":["post-903","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-hospital-jokes","category-people-jokes","tag-sawmill"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Suffocated -Hospital Jokes, People Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/903\/people-jokes\/suffocated\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Suffocated -Hospital Jokes, People Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm. His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to &hellip; Continue reading &rarr;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/903\/people-jokes\/suffocated\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"JokesLab Funniest Jokes\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2011-07-03T08:12:33+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"JokesLab\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"JokesLab\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"1 minute\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/903\\\/people-jokes\\\/suffocated\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/903\\\/people-jokes\\\/suffocated\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"JokesLab\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/7c94a8e90f50ee6381e1cdf0be369f34\"},\"headline\":\"Suffocated\",\"datePublished\":\"2011-07-03T08:12:33+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/903\\\/people-jokes\\\/suffocated\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":258,\"commentCount\":0,\"keywords\":[\"sawmill\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Hospital Jokes\",\"People Jokes\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/903\\\/people-jokes\\\/suffocated\\\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/903\\\/people-jokes\\\/suffocated\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/903\\\/people-jokes\\\/suffocated\\\/\",\"name\":\"Suffocated -Hospital Jokes, People Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2011-07-03T08:12:33+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/7c94a8e90f50ee6381e1cdf0be369f34\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/903\\\/people-jokes\\\/suffocated\\\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/903\\\/people-jokes\\\/suffocated\\\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/903\\\/people-jokes\\\/suffocated\\\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Suffocated\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/\",\"name\":\"JokesLab Funniest Jokes\",\"description\":\"the best collection of clean jokes\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/7c94a8e90f50ee6381e1cdf0be369f34\",\"name\":\"JokesLab\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/1ddeb11c3ee03f5ac75289908398f7c36b4cb3b51cf8fc4561a798c09b6c5574?s=96&d=monsterid&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/1ddeb11c3ee03f5ac75289908398f7c36b4cb3b51cf8fc4561a798c09b6c5574?s=96&d=monsterid&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/1ddeb11c3ee03f5ac75289908398f7c36b4cb3b51cf8fc4561a798c09b6c5574?s=96&d=monsterid&r=g\",\"caption\":\"JokesLab\"},\"sameAs\":[\"http:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\"],\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/author\\\/adminblog\\\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Suffocated -Hospital Jokes, People Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/903\/people-jokes\/suffocated\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Suffocated -Hospital Jokes, People Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes","og_description":"Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm. His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to &hellip; Continue reading &rarr;","og_url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/903\/people-jokes\/suffocated\/","og_site_name":"JokesLab Funniest Jokes","article_published_time":"2011-07-03T08:12:33+00:00","author":"JokesLab","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"JokesLab","Est. reading time":"1 minute"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/903\/people-jokes\/suffocated\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/903\/people-jokes\/suffocated\/"},"author":{"name":"JokesLab","@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/#\/schema\/person\/7c94a8e90f50ee6381e1cdf0be369f34"},"headline":"Suffocated","datePublished":"2011-07-03T08:12:33+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/903\/people-jokes\/suffocated\/"},"wordCount":258,"commentCount":0,"keywords":["sawmill"],"articleSection":["Hospital Jokes","People Jokes"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/903\/people-jokes\/suffocated\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/903\/people-jokes\/suffocated\/","url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/903\/people-jokes\/suffocated\/","name":"Suffocated -Hospital Jokes, People Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/#website"},"datePublished":"2011-07-03T08:12:33+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/#\/schema\/person\/7c94a8e90f50ee6381e1cdf0be369f34"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/903\/people-jokes\/suffocated\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/903\/people-jokes\/suffocated\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/903\/people-jokes\/suffocated\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Suffocated"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/#website","url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/","name":"JokesLab Funniest Jokes","description":"the best collection of clean jokes","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/#\/schema\/person\/7c94a8e90f50ee6381e1cdf0be369f34","name":"JokesLab","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1ddeb11c3ee03f5ac75289908398f7c36b4cb3b51cf8fc4561a798c09b6c5574?s=96&d=monsterid&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1ddeb11c3ee03f5ac75289908398f7c36b4cb3b51cf8fc4561a798c09b6c5574?s=96&d=monsterid&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1ddeb11c3ee03f5ac75289908398f7c36b4cb3b51cf8fc4561a798c09b6c5574?s=96&d=monsterid&r=g","caption":"JokesLab"},"sameAs":["http:\/\/jokeslab.com"],"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/author\/adminblog\/"}]}},"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1138,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1138\/hospital-jokes\/lack-of-vision\/","url_meta":{"origin":903,"position":0},"title":"He&#8217;s peeing in the refrigerator again!","author":"JokesLab","date":"April 15, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, \"George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?\" George replied, \"God\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Family Jokes&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Family Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/family-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"He's peeing in the refrigerator again!","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/peeing-santa-400x468.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":701,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/701\/hospital-jokes\/hearing-problem\/","url_meta":{"origin":903,"position":1},"title":"Hearing problem","author":"JokesLab","date":"April 25, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, ''Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.'' ''Well,'' the doctor replied, ''go home and tonight stand about 15\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Family Jokes&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Family Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/family-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Hearing problem","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/horny-santa-again-400x600.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":941,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/941\/hospital-jokes\/how-do-you-like-that\/","url_meta":{"origin":903,"position":2},"title":"How do you like that?","author":"JokesLab","date":"March 14, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"A woman goes to the hospital, and her doctor gives her a sonogram. He sees the baby and suddenly the baby says, \u201cAre you my daddy?\u201d The doctor is shocked and goes to get another doctor, who looks at the sonogram. The baby says again, \u201cAre you my daddy?\u201d The\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Hospital Jokes&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Hospital Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/hospital-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"funny-blow-job","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/funny-blow-job.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1807,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1807\/people-jokes\/bad-weather\/","url_meta":{"origin":903,"position":3},"title":"Bad weather","author":"JokesLab","date":"January 18, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"A guy goes fishing every Saturday morning. He gets up early and eager, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes, all day long. Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;American Jokes&quot;","block_context":{"text":"American Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/country-jokes\/american-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"cheater-agirl-with-two-guys","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/cheater-agirl-with-two-guys-400x265.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":14,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/14\/animal-jokes\/smart-dog\/","url_meta":{"origin":903,"position":4},"title":"Smart Dog","author":"JokesLab","date":"October 24, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Animal Jokes&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Animal Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/animal-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"funny-Japanese-bra-sun-glasses","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/funny-Japanese-bra-sun-glasses.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":962,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/962\/hospital-jokes\/corpsalicious\/","url_meta":{"origin":903,"position":5},"title":"Corpsalicious!","author":"JokesLab","date":"July 18, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, ''There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Don't fear anything.'' After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. He then told the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Campus Jokes&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Campus Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/campus-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"funny-professor-and-female-students","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/funny-professor-and-female-students-400x530.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/903","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=903"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/903\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=903"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=903"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=903"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}