{"id":693,"date":"2013-08-07T10:15:24","date_gmt":"2013-08-07T10:15:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/693\/top-10-list\/translating-male-phrases\/"},"modified":"2013-08-04T02:25:07","modified_gmt":"2013-08-04T02:25:07","slug":"translating-male-phrases","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/693\/top-10-list\/translating-male-phrases\/","title":{"rendered":"Translating male phrases"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"wine-baby-feeding\"“I’m going fishing.”<\/h2>\n

Really means… “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”<\/p>\n

“It’s a guy thing.”<\/h2>\n

Really means…. “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”<\/p>\n

“Can I help with dinner?”<\/h2>\n

Really means… “Why isn’t it already on the table?”<\/p>\n

“Uh huh,” “Sure, honey,” or “Yes, dear.”<\/h2>\n

Really means… Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.<\/p>\n

“It would take too long to explain.”<\/h2>\n

Really means… “I have no idea how it works.”<\/p>\n

“I’m getting more exercise lately.”<\/h2>\n

Really means… “The batteries in the remote are dead.”<\/p>\n

“We’re going to be late.”<\/h2>\n

Really means… “Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.”<\/p>\n

“Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard.”<\/h2>\n

Really means….”I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”<\/p>\n

“That’s interesting, dear.”<\/h2>\n

Really means… “Are you still talking?”<\/p>\n

“Honey, we don’t need material things to prove our love.”<\/h2>\n

Really means… “I forgot our anniversary again.”<\/p>\n

“That’s women’s work.”<\/h2>\n

Really means… “It’s difficult, dirty, and thankless.”<\/p>\n

“You know how bad my memory is.”<\/h2>\n

Really means… “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”<\/p>\n

“Oh, don’t fuss. I just cut myself, it’s no big deal.”<\/h2>\n

Really means… “I have severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I’m hurt.”<\/p>\n

“I do help around the house.”<\/h2>\n

Really means… “I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket.”<\/p>\n

“Hey, I’ve got my reasons for what I’m doing.”<\/h2>\n

Really means… “I sure hope I think of some reasons pretty soon.”<\/p>\n

“I can’t find it.”<\/h2>\n

Really means… “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”<\/p>\n

“What did I do this time?”<\/h2>\n

Really means… “What did you catch me doing?”<\/p>\n

“I heard you.”<\/h2>\n

Really means… “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and I’m hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next days yelling at me.”<\/p>\n

“You look terrific.”<\/h2>\n

Really means… “Oh, God, please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving.”<\/p>\n

“I missed you.”<\/h2>\n

Really means… “I can’t find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper.”<\/p>\n

“I’m not lost. I know exactly where we are.”<\/h2>\n

Really means… “I’m lost.\u00a0 I have no idea where we are, and no one will ever see us alive again.”<\/p>\n

“I don’t need to read the instructions.”<\/h2>\n

Really means… “I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\"\"<\/a>

“I’m going fishing.” Really means… “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.” “It’s a guy thing.” Really means…. “There is no … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[222,21,247,20],"tags":[226,721,34,76,504,33],"class_list":["post-693","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-jokes","category-relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes","category-texas-jokes","category-top-10-list","tag-driving","tag-family","tag-man","tag-marriage","tag-phrases","tag-woman"],"yoast_head":"\nTranslating male phrases -Family Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Texas Jokes, Top 10 List - 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