{"id":595,"date":"2014-05-11T13:59:12","date_gmt":"2014-05-11T13:59:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/595\/relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes\/relationship-guide\/"},"modified":"2014-04-12T08:02:57","modified_gmt":"2014-04-12T08:02:57","slug":"relationship-guide","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/595\/relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes\/relationship-guide\/","title":{"rendered":"Relationship guide"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Relationship<\/a>

Family Guide Illustrated!<\/p><\/div>\n

For all you guys out there who just can’t figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.<\/p>\n

Do something she likes and you get points.<\/p>\n

Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects…Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.<\/p>\n

Here is a guide to the point system.<\/p>\n

Simple Duties:<\/p>\n

You make the bed..+1
\nYou make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pllows..0
\nYou throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets..-1
\nYou leave the toilet seat up..-5
\nYou leave the toilet lid down..-10\u00a0 after the lights are out..-30
\nYou replace the toilet-paper roll when it’s empty..0
\nWhen the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex..-1
\nWhen the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2
\nYou go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings..+5
\nBut return with beer ..-5
\nYou check out a suspicious noise at night …0
\nYou check out a suspicious noise and it’s nothing..0
\nYou check out a suspicious noise and it’s something..+5
\nYou pummel it with a six iron..+10
\nIt’s her father..-10<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Social Engagements:<\/p>\n

You stay by her side the entire party..0
\nYou stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy..-2
\nNamed Tiffany..-4
\nTiffany is a dancer..-6
\nTiffany has implants..-8<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Her Birthday:<\/p>\n

You take her out to dinner..0
\nYou take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar ……+1
\nOkay, it is a sports bar..-2
\nAnd it’s all-you-can-eat night..-3
\nIt’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team..-10<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

A Night Out With The Boys:<\/p>\n

Go out with a pal ..-5
\nAnd the pal is happily married ..-4
\nOr frighteningly single ..-7
\nAnd he drives a Mustang..-10
\nWith a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) ..-15<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

A Night Out:<\/p>\n

You take her to a movie..+2
\nYou take her to a movie she likes..+4
\nYou take her to a movie you hate..+6
\nYou take her to a movie you like..-2
\nIt’s called DeathCop 3..-3
\nWhich features cyborgs having sex..-9
\nYou lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans ………-15<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Your Physique:<\/p>\n

You develop a noticeable potbelly..-15
\nYou develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it….+10
\nYou develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts ..-30
\nYou say “I don’t give a damn because you have one too”…-800<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The Big Question:<\/p>\n

She asks, “Do I look fat?” ..-5
\nYou hesitate in responding..-10
\nYou reply, “Where?”..-35<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Communication:<\/p>\n

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression ..0
\nWhen she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes..+5
\nYou listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV..+10
\nShe realizes this is because you’ve fallen asleep..-20<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\"\"<\/a>

For all you guys out there who just can’t figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[222,21],"tags":[721,422,53,34,421,54,33],"class_list":["post-595","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-jokes","category-relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes","tag-family","tag-guide","tag-husband","tag-man","tag-relationship","tag-wife","tag-woman"],"yoast_head":"\nRelationship guide -Family Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/595\/relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes\/relationship-guide\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Relationship guide -Family Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"For all you guys out there who just can’t figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. 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The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself. \"You know, dear,\" she says, \"I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is grey,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Family Jokes"","block_context":{"text":"Family Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/family-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"sexy-scene","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/sexy-scene-400x534.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1658,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1658\/office-jokes\/girls-can-get-as-many-as-they-want\/","url_meta":{"origin":595,"position":1},"title":"Girls can get as many as they want","author":"JokesLab","date":"August 6, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"An 8 year old boy walks home from school each day passing an 8 year old girl's house. One day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can't resist taunting the girl. He holds up his football and says, \"See this football? Football is a boys' game, and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Family Jokes"","block_context":{"text":"Family Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/family-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"funny-toilet-mural","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/funny-toilet-mural-400x260.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":530,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/530\/people-jokes\/men-vs-women\/","url_meta":{"origin":595,"position":2},"title":"Men vs. Women","author":"JokesLab","date":"March 16, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. 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Her friend tells her that to win his love, she must make more effort. 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