{"id":582,"date":"2011-11-10T14:18:59","date_gmt":"2011-11-10T14:18:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/582\/office-jokes\/womens-english\/"},"modified":"2011-11-07T08:37:44","modified_gmt":"2011-11-07T08:37:44","slug":"womens-english","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/582\/office-jokes\/womens-english\/","title":{"rendered":"Women’s English"},"content":{"rendered":"

\n

\"funny-blow-job\"<\/a>

Bitch is bitch!<\/p><\/div>\n

“Yes” = No<\/p>\n

“No” = Yes<\/p>\n

“Maybe” = No<\/p>\n

“I’m sorry.” = You’ll be sorry<\/p>\n

“We need” = I want<\/p>\n

“It’s your decision” = The correct decision should be obvious by now.<\/p>\n

“Do what you want”\u00a0 = You’ll pay for this later.<\/p>\n

“We need to talk”\u00a0 = I need to complain.<\/p>\n

“Sure… go ahead”\u00a0 = I don’t want you to.<\/p>\n

“I’m not upset”\u00a0 = Of course I’m upset, you moron!<\/p>\n

“You’re … so manly”\u00a0 = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.<\/p>\n

“You’re certainly attentive tonight”\u00a0 = Is sex all you ever think about?<\/p>\n

“Be romantic, turn out the lights”= I have flabby thighs.<\/p>\n

“This kitchen is so inconvenient”\u00a0 = I want a new house.<\/p>\n

“I want new curtains”\u00a0 = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…..<\/p>\n

“Hang the picture there” = NO, I mean hang it there!<\/p>\n

“I heard a noise”\u00a0 = I noticed you were almost asleep.<\/p>\n

“Do you love me?”\u00a0 = I’m going to ask for something expensive.<\/p>\n

“How much do you love me?”\u00a0 =I did something today you’re really not going to like.<\/p>\n

“I’ll be ready in a minute.”\u00a0 = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.<\/p>\n

“Is my butt fat?”\u00a0 = Tell me I’m beautiful.<\/p>\n

“You have to learn to communicate.”\u00a0 = Just agree with me.<\/p>\n

“Are you listening to me!?”\u00a0 = [Too late, you’re dead.]<\/p>\n

“Was that the baby?” = Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.<\/p>\n

“I’m not yelling!”\u00a0 = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\"\"<\/a>

“Yes” = No “No” = Yes “Maybe” = No “I’m sorry.” = You’ll be sorry “We need” = I want “It’s your decision” = The correct decision should be obvious by now. “Do what you want”\u00a0 = You’ll pay for … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[18,21,20],"tags":[127,436,423,53,1027,54,33,435],"class_list":["post-582","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-office-jokes","category-relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes","category-top-10-list","tag-boy-friend","tag-english","tag-girl-friend","tag-husband","tag-language","tag-wife","tag-woman","tag-words"],"yoast_head":"\nWomen's English -Office Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes, Top 10 List - 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I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Church and God Jokes"","block_context":{"text":"Church and God Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/church-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":129,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/129\/people-jokes\/new-york-reporter\/","url_meta":{"origin":582,"position":5},"title":"New York reporter","author":"JokesLab","date":"February 19, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Two boys are playing football in Central Park when one is attacked by a rabid rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips a board off of a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. 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