{"id":571,"date":"2013-07-15T03:38:52","date_gmt":"2013-07-15T03:38:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/571\/church-jokes\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\/"},"modified":"2013-07-07T13:09:29","modified_gmt":"2013-07-07T13:09:29","slug":"if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/571\/church-jokes\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\/","title":{"rendered":"If you stick that damn thing in me again, I’m going to break it in half!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"funny-guy-with-girl-on-thighs\"A couple went to church every week, but every week without fail the husband would fall asleep during the sermon.<\/p>\n

The wife, being embarrassed by her husband’s loud snoring, decided to bring a needle to the next service and poke him when he nodded off.<\/p>\n

The next week when they were in church the husband, as always, fell asleep.<\/p>\n

“Who created the Earth in 6 days and rested on the 7th?” The wife stuck her husband with the needle and he jumped up and exclaimed, “Oh my God!”<\/p>\n

The preacher said, “That’s correct.” And the husband sat down mumbling to himself. He soon fell asleep again.<\/p>\n

The preacher got to the question “Who died on the cross to save us from eternal damnation?” The wife stuck her husband again and he jumped up and exclaimed, “Jesus Christ!”<\/p>\n

And the preacher said, “Right again.” With this, the husband fell suspicious of his wife and decided to catch her in the act. The husband pretended to fall asleep while keeping an eye on his wife.<\/p>\n

“What did Mary say to Joseph after Jesus was born?” the preacher asked.<\/p>\n

The wife started to poke her husband again, but before she could the husband jumped up and exclaimed, “If you stick that damn thing in me again, I’m going to break it in half!<\/strong>“<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\"\"<\/a>

A couple went to church every week, but every week without fail the husband would fall asleep during the sermon. The wife, being embarrassed by her husband’s loud snoring, decided to bring a needle to the next service and poke … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[201,222],"tags":[185,35,53,154,657,54],"class_list":["post-571","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-church-jokes","category-family-jokes","tag-church","tag-god","tag-husband","tag-sex","tag-sleep","tag-wife"],"yoast_head":"\nIf you stick that damn thing in me again, I'm going to break it in half! -Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/571\/church-jokes\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"If you stick that damn thing in me again, I'm going to break it in half! -Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"A couple went to church every week, but every week without fail the husband would fall asleep during the sermon. The wife, being embarrassed by her husband’s loud snoring, decided to bring a needle to the next service and poke … Continue reading →\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/571\/church-jokes\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"JokesLab Funniest Jokes\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2013-07-15T03:38:52+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/funny-guy-with-girl-on-thighs-400x367.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"JokesLab\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"JokesLab\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"1 minute\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/571\\\/church-jokes\\\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/571\\\/church-jokes\\\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"JokesLab\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/7c94a8e90f50ee6381e1cdf0be369f34\"},\"headline\":\"If you stick that damn thing in me again, I’m going to break it in half!\",\"datePublished\":\"2013-07-15T03:38:52+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/571\\\/church-jokes\\\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":239,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/571\\\/church-jokes\\\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2011\\\/07\\\/funny-guy-with-girl-on-thighs-400x367.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"church\",\"God\",\"husband\",\"sex\",\"sleep\",\"wife\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Church and God Jokes\",\"Family Jokes\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/571\\\/church-jokes\\\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\\\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/571\\\/church-jokes\\\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/571\\\/church-jokes\\\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\\\/\",\"name\":\"If you stick that damn thing in me again, I'm going to break it in half! -Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/571\\\/church-jokes\\\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/571\\\/church-jokes\\\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2011\\\/07\\\/funny-guy-with-girl-on-thighs-400x367.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2013-07-15T03:38:52+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/7c94a8e90f50ee6381e1cdf0be369f34\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/571\\\/church-jokes\\\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\\\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/571\\\/church-jokes\\\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\\\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/571\\\/church-jokes\\\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\\\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2011\\\/07\\\/funny-guy-with-girl-on-thighs-400x367.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2011\\\/07\\\/funny-guy-with-girl-on-thighs-400x367.jpg\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/571\\\/church-jokes\\\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\\\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"If you stick that damn thing in me again, I’m going to break it in half!\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/\",\"name\":\"JokesLab Funniest Jokes\",\"description\":\"the best collection of clean jokes\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/7c94a8e90f50ee6381e1cdf0be369f34\",\"name\":\"JokesLab\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/1ddeb11c3ee03f5ac75289908398f7c36b4cb3b51cf8fc4561a798c09b6c5574?s=96&d=monsterid&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/1ddeb11c3ee03f5ac75289908398f7c36b4cb3b51cf8fc4561a798c09b6c5574?s=96&d=monsterid&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/1ddeb11c3ee03f5ac75289908398f7c36b4cb3b51cf8fc4561a798c09b6c5574?s=96&d=monsterid&r=g\",\"caption\":\"JokesLab\"},\"sameAs\":[\"http:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\"],\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/author\\\/adminblog\\\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"If you stick that damn thing in me again, I'm going to break it in half! -Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/571\/church-jokes\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"If you stick that damn thing in me again, I'm going to break it in half! -Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes","og_description":"A couple went to church every week, but every week without fail the husband would fall asleep during the sermon. The wife, being embarrassed by her husband’s loud snoring, decided to bring a needle to the next service and poke … Continue reading →","og_url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/571\/church-jokes\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\/","og_site_name":"JokesLab Funniest Jokes","article_published_time":"2013-07-15T03:38:52+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/funny-guy-with-girl-on-thighs-400x367.jpg","type":"","width":"","height":""}],"author":"JokesLab","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"JokesLab","Est. reading time":"1 minute"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/571\/church-jokes\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/571\/church-jokes\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\/"},"author":{"name":"JokesLab","@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/#\/schema\/person\/7c94a8e90f50ee6381e1cdf0be369f34"},"headline":"If you stick that damn thing in me again, I’m going to break it in half!","datePublished":"2013-07-15T03:38:52+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/571\/church-jokes\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\/"},"wordCount":239,"commentCount":0,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/571\/church-jokes\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/funny-guy-with-girl-on-thighs-400x367.jpg","keywords":["church","God","husband","sex","sleep","wife"],"articleSection":["Church and God Jokes","Family Jokes"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/571\/church-jokes\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/571\/church-jokes\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\/","url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/571\/church-jokes\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\/","name":"If you stick that damn thing in me again, I'm going to break it in half! -Church and God Jokes, Family Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/571\/church-jokes\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/571\/church-jokes\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/funny-guy-with-girl-on-thighs-400x367.jpg","datePublished":"2013-07-15T03:38:52+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/#\/schema\/person\/7c94a8e90f50ee6381e1cdf0be369f34"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/571\/church-jokes\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/571\/church-jokes\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/571\/church-jokes\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\/#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/funny-guy-with-girl-on-thighs-400x367.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/funny-guy-with-girl-on-thighs-400x367.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/571\/church-jokes\/if-you-stick-that-damn-thing-in-me-again-im-going-to-break-it-in-half\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"If you stick that damn thing in me again, I’m going to break it in half!"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/#website","url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/","name":"JokesLab Funniest Jokes","description":"the best collection of clean jokes","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/#\/schema\/person\/7c94a8e90f50ee6381e1cdf0be369f34","name":"JokesLab","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1ddeb11c3ee03f5ac75289908398f7c36b4cb3b51cf8fc4561a798c09b6c5574?s=96&d=monsterid&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1ddeb11c3ee03f5ac75289908398f7c36b4cb3b51cf8fc4561a798c09b6c5574?s=96&d=monsterid&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1ddeb11c3ee03f5ac75289908398f7c36b4cb3b51cf8fc4561a798c09b6c5574?s=96&d=monsterid&r=g","caption":"JokesLab"},"sameAs":["http:\/\/jokeslab.com"],"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/author\/adminblog\/"}]}},"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":540,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/540\/office-jokes\/what-did-eve-say-to-adam-when-she-didnt-want-any-more-children\/","url_meta":{"origin":571,"position":0},"title":"What did Eve say to Adam when she didn’t want any more children?","author":"JokesLab","date":"December 12, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"A man and his wife were sitting in church, the man was sleeping and his wife was knitting. The priest asked \"Who created the Earth and man?\" The woman poked the man with her knitting needle and the man screamed, \"GOD!\" The Priest looked at him and said, \"That's right.\"\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Church and God Jokes"","block_context":{"text":"Church and God Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/church-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"funny-family-photo-in-swimming-pool","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/funny-family-photo-in-swimming-pool-400x390.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1430,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1430\/people-jokes\/journey-to-the-other-side\/","url_meta":{"origin":571,"position":1},"title":"Journey to the other side","author":"JokesLab","date":"December 21, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Mr. Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Louisiana. He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer, to let her know he had arrived safely. Unfortunately, he mistyped a letter and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. Joan Johnson, the wife\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Church and God Jokes"","block_context":{"text":"Church and God Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/church-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Welcome-to-hell","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/Welcome-to-hell1.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1800,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1800\/computer-jokes\/to-my-loving-wife\/","url_meta":{"origin":571,"position":2},"title":"To my loving wife","author":"JokesLab","date":"April 17, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Church and God Jokes"","block_context":{"text":"Church and God Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/church-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"sexy-girl-with-too-hot-pants","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/sexy-girl-with-too-hot-pants-400x538.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":591,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/591\/office-jokes\/watch-out-for-the-wall\/","url_meta":{"origin":571,"position":3},"title":"Watch out for the wall","author":"JokesLab","date":"June 5, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"A funeral service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Church and God Jokes"","block_context":{"text":"Church and God Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/church-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"woman is less important than bicycles!","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/funny-who-deserves-what-for-a-bicycle-fan1-400x395.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":575,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/575\/people-jokes\/rejected\/","url_meta":{"origin":571,"position":4},"title":"Rejected","author":"JokesLab","date":"May 22, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"These three married couples died and when they got to the pearly gates. St.Peter told the first husband, \u201cI can't let you in. You let alcohol run your life. You even married a girl named Sherry.\u201d Dejected, he turned and walked away. The next married couple stepped up, and St.Peter\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Church and God Jokes"","block_context":{"text":"Church and God Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/church-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"terrosists-in-beach","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/terrosists-in-beach-400x259.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":653,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/653\/relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes\/best-excuse-for-speeding\/","url_meta":{"origin":571,"position":5},"title":"Best excuse for speeding","author":"JokesLab","date":"January 8, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Car Jokes"","block_context":{"text":"Car Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/car-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"dude-you-will-get-three-mother-in-laws","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/dude-you-will-get-three-mother-in-laws.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/571","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=571"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/571\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=571"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=571"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=571"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}