{"id":568,"date":"2012-05-24T11:36:49","date_gmt":"2012-05-24T11:36:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/568\/people-jokes\/men-and-women\/"},"modified":"2012-05-07T04:25:14","modified_gmt":"2012-05-07T04:25:14","slug":"men-and-women","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/568\/people-jokes\/men-and-women\/","title":{"rendered":"Men and Women"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’M GLAD I’M A MAN<\/p>\n

I’m glad I’m a man, you better believe; I don’t live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don’t bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts; I can get where I want to — north, south, east or west. I don’t get wasted after only 2 beers; and when I do drink I don’t end up in tears. I won’t spend hours deciding what to wear; I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair. And I don’t go around checking my reflection; in everything shiny from every direction. I don’t whine in public and make us leave early; and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.<\/p>\n

\"funny-gorilla\"I’m glad I’m a man, I’m so glad I could sing; I don’t have to sit around waiting for that ring. I don’t gossip about friends or stab them in the back; I don’t carry our differences into the sack. I’ll never go psycho and threaten to kill you; or think every guy out there’s trying to steal you. I’m rational, reasonable, and logical too; I know what the time is and I know what to do. And I honestly think its a privilege for me; to have these two balls and stand when I pee. I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball; it’s more fun than dealing with women after all. I won’t cry if you say it’s not going to work; I won’t remain bitter and call you a jerk. Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure; I won’t assume it’s permanent by any measure.<\/p>\n

Yes, I’m so very glad I’m a man, you see; I’m glad I’m not capable of child delivery. I don’t get all bitchy every 28 days; I’m glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise. I’m a man by chance and I’m thankful it’s true; I’m so glad I’m a man and not a woman like you!<\/p>\n

I’M GLAD I’M A WOMAN<\/p>\n

I’m glad I’m a woman, yes I am, yes I am; I don’t live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam. I don’t brag to my buddies about my erections; I won’t drive to Hell before I ask for directions. I don’t get wasted at parties and act like a clown; and I know how to put that damned toilet seat down! I won’t grab your hooters, I won’t pinch your butt; my belt buckle’s not hidden beneath my beer gut. And I don’t go around \u201cre-adjusting\u201d my crotch; or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch. I don’t belch in public, I don’t scratch my behind.<\/p>\n

\"Show-your-ass-day\"I’m a woman you see — I’m just not that kind! I’m glad I’m a woman, I’m so glad I could sing; I don’t have body hair like shag carpeting. It doesn’t grow from my ears or cover my back; when I lean over you can’t see three inches of crack. And what’s on my head doesn’t leave with my comb; I’ll never buy a toupee to cover my dome. Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side; I’m a woman, you know – I’ve got far too much pride! And I honestly think its a privilege for me; to have these two boobs and squat when I pee. I don’t live to play golf and shoot basketball; I don’t swagger and spit like a Neanderthal. I won’t tell you my wife just does not understand; or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band. Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep; then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!<\/p>\n

Yes, I’m so very glad I’m a woman, you see; forget all about that old penis envy. I don’t long for male bonding, I don’t cruise for chicks; join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick. I’m a woman by chance and I’m thankful, it’s true; I’m so glad I’m a woman and not a man like you!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\"\"<\/a>

I’M GLAD I’M A MAN I’m glad I’m a man, you better believe; I don’t live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don’t bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts; I can get where … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[222,18,3,21],"tags":[134,566,1012,697,34,438,33],"class_list":["post-568","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-jokes","category-office-jokes","category-people-jokes","category-relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes","tag-beer","tag-breast","tag-club","tag-diet","tag-man","tag-penis","tag-woman"],"yoast_head":"\nMen and Women -Family Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/568\/people-jokes\/men-and-women\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Men and Women -Family Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I’M GLAD I’M A MAN I’m glad I’m a man, you better believe; I don’t live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don’t bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts; I can get where … Continue reading →\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/568\/people-jokes\/men-and-women\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"JokesLab Funniest Jokes\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-05-24T11:36:49+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/funny-gorilla-400x288.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"JokesLab\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"JokesLab\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/568\\\/people-jokes\\\/men-and-women\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/568\\\/people-jokes\\\/men-and-women\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"JokesLab\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/7c94a8e90f50ee6381e1cdf0be369f34\"},\"headline\":\"Men and Women\",\"datePublished\":\"2012-05-24T11:36:49+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/568\\\/people-jokes\\\/men-and-women\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":750,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/568\\\/people-jokes\\\/men-and-women\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2011\\\/07\\\/funny-gorilla-400x288.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"beer\",\"breast\",\"club\",\"diet\",\"man\",\"penis\",\"woman\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Family Jokes\",\"Office Jokes\",\"People Jokes\",\"Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/568\\\/people-jokes\\\/men-and-women\\\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/568\\\/people-jokes\\\/men-and-women\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/568\\\/people-jokes\\\/men-and-women\\\/\",\"name\":\"Men and Women -Family Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/568\\\/people-jokes\\\/men-and-women\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/568\\\/people-jokes\\\/men-and-women\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2011\\\/07\\\/funny-gorilla-400x288.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2012-05-24T11:36:49+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/7c94a8e90f50ee6381e1cdf0be369f34\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/568\\\/people-jokes\\\/men-and-women\\\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/568\\\/people-jokes\\\/men-and-women\\\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/568\\\/people-jokes\\\/men-and-women\\\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2011\\\/07\\\/funny-gorilla.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2011\\\/07\\\/funny-gorilla.jpg\",\"width\":\"525\",\"height\":\"379\",\"caption\":\"funny-gorilla\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/568\\\/people-jokes\\\/men-and-women\\\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Men and Women\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/\",\"name\":\"JokesLab Funniest Jokes\",\"description\":\"the best collection of clean jokes\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/7c94a8e90f50ee6381e1cdf0be369f34\",\"name\":\"JokesLab\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/1ddeb11c3ee03f5ac75289908398f7c36b4cb3b51cf8fc4561a798c09b6c5574?s=96&d=monsterid&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/1ddeb11c3ee03f5ac75289908398f7c36b4cb3b51cf8fc4561a798c09b6c5574?s=96&d=monsterid&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/1ddeb11c3ee03f5ac75289908398f7c36b4cb3b51cf8fc4561a798c09b6c5574?s=96&d=monsterid&r=g\",\"caption\":\"JokesLab\"},\"sameAs\":[\"http:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\"],\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/jokeslab.com\\\/jokes\\\/author\\\/adminblog\\\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Men and Women -Family Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/568\/people-jokes\/men-and-women\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Men and Women -Family Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes","og_description":"I’M GLAD I’M A MAN I’m glad I’m a man, you better believe; I don’t live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don’t bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts; I can get where … Continue reading →","og_url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/568\/people-jokes\/men-and-women\/","og_site_name":"JokesLab Funniest Jokes","article_published_time":"2012-05-24T11:36:49+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/funny-gorilla-400x288.jpg","type":"","width":"","height":""}],"author":"JokesLab","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"JokesLab","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/568\/people-jokes\/men-and-women\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/568\/people-jokes\/men-and-women\/"},"author":{"name":"JokesLab","@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/#\/schema\/person\/7c94a8e90f50ee6381e1cdf0be369f34"},"headline":"Men and Women","datePublished":"2012-05-24T11:36:49+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/568\/people-jokes\/men-and-women\/"},"wordCount":750,"commentCount":0,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/568\/people-jokes\/men-and-women\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/funny-gorilla-400x288.jpg","keywords":["beer","breast","club","diet","man","penis","woman"],"articleSection":["Family Jokes","Office Jokes","People Jokes","Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/568\/people-jokes\/men-and-women\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/568\/people-jokes\/men-and-women\/","url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/568\/people-jokes\/men-and-women\/","name":"Men and Women -Family Jokes, Office Jokes, People Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/568\/people-jokes\/men-and-women\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/568\/people-jokes\/men-and-women\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/funny-gorilla-400x288.jpg","datePublished":"2012-05-24T11:36:49+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/#\/schema\/person\/7c94a8e90f50ee6381e1cdf0be369f34"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/568\/people-jokes\/men-and-women\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/568\/people-jokes\/men-and-women\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/568\/people-jokes\/men-and-women\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/funny-gorilla.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/funny-gorilla.jpg","width":"525","height":"379","caption":"funny-gorilla"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/568\/people-jokes\/men-and-women\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Men and Women"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/#website","url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/","name":"JokesLab Funniest Jokes","description":"the best collection of clean jokes","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/#\/schema\/person\/7c94a8e90f50ee6381e1cdf0be369f34","name":"JokesLab","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1ddeb11c3ee03f5ac75289908398f7c36b4cb3b51cf8fc4561a798c09b6c5574?s=96&d=monsterid&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1ddeb11c3ee03f5ac75289908398f7c36b4cb3b51cf8fc4561a798c09b6c5574?s=96&d=monsterid&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1ddeb11c3ee03f5ac75289908398f7c36b4cb3b51cf8fc4561a798c09b6c5574?s=96&d=monsterid&r=g","caption":"JokesLab"},"sameAs":["http:\/\/jokeslab.com"],"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/author\/adminblog\/"}]}},"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1204,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1204\/people-jokes\/just-a-juggalo\/","url_meta":{"origin":568,"position":0},"title":"Just A Juggalo","author":"JokesLab","date":"July 7, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys' car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat. \"Sir,\" the cop says. \"Why do you have all those knives?\" \"They're for my juggling act,\" the man\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Car Jokes"","block_context":{"text":"Car Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/car-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1890,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1890\/people-jokes\/life-at-work-is-great\/","url_meta":{"origin":568,"position":1},"title":"Life at work is great","author":"JokesLab","date":"June 30, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"A young technician and his boss board a train headed through the mountains. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Hotel and Travel Jokes"","block_context":{"text":"Hotel and Travel Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/hotel-and-travel-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"photobomb-i-enjoy-masterbating and sexy girls","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/08\/photobomb-i-enjoy-masterbating.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1197,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1197\/campus-jokes\/glad-ass-happy-butt\/","url_meta":{"origin":568,"position":2},"title":"Glad Ass, Happy Butt","author":"JokesLab","date":"November 13, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"It was this little girl's first day of school and the teacher asked her what her name was and she replied, \"Happy Butt.\" The teacher said, \"Honey I don't think that's your name you need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out.\" So she went to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Campus Jokes"","block_context":{"text":"Campus Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/campus-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"combing-hais-mother-and-daughters","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/combing-hais-mother-and-daughters-400x334.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":73,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/73\/blonde-jokes\/i-am-still-winning\/","url_meta":{"origin":568,"position":3},"title":"I am still winning","author":"JokesLab","date":"December 25, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Blonde Jokes"","block_context":{"text":"Blonde Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/blonde-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"funny-wrong-job-ice-cream-maker","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/funny-wrong-job-ice-cream-maker.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":82,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/82\/animal-jokes\/one-word-telegram\/","url_meta":{"origin":568,"position":4},"title":"One-word telegram","author":"JokesLab","date":"December 19, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Animal Jokes"","block_context":{"text":"Animal Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/animal-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"funny-ladies-put-your-butts-here","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/funny-ladies-put-your-butts-here.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":488,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/488\/people-jokes\/price-of-heart\/","url_meta":{"origin":568,"position":5},"title":"Price of heart","author":"JokesLab","date":"March 11, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"A man who was having heart trouble went to the doctor to see what his options were. Naturally, the doctor recommended a heart transplant. The man reluctantly agreed, and asked if there were any hearts immediately available, considering that money was no object. \"I do have three hearts,\" said the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Hospital Jokes"","block_context":{"text":"Hospital Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/hospital-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"funny-gorilla-enjoying-the-breast","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/funny-gorilla-enjoying-the-breast-400x270.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/568","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=568"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/568\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=568"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=568"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=568"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}