{"id":2118,"date":"2011-08-29T15:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-08-29T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/2118\/relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes\/i-would-have-gotten-out-today\/"},"modified":"2011-08-29T01:39:21","modified_gmt":"2011-08-29T01:39:21","slug":"i-would-have-gotten-out-today","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/2118\/relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes\/i-would-have-gotten-out-today\/","title":{"rendered":"I would have gotten out today"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_5850\" style=\"width: 309px\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\"><a href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/08\/funny-man-and-woman-before-marriage.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-5850\" class=\"size-full wp-image-5850\" title=\"man-and-woman-before-marriage\" src=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/08\/funny-man-and-woman-before-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"man-and-woman-before-marriage\" width=\"299\" height=\"263\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-5850\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Woman rules.......before marriage<\/p><\/div>\n<p>A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs.<\/p>\n<p>He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;What\u2019s the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?&#8221; she asked.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?&#8221; he asked.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Yes, I do,&#8221; she replied.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making out?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Yes, I remember.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, \u2019Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?\u2019&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Yes, I do,&#8221; she said.<\/p>\n<p>He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, &#8220;You know&#8230;I would have gotten out today.&#8221;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<a href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/2118\/relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes\/i-would-have-gotten-out-today\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" src=\"\" class=\"alignleft wp-post-image tfe\" alt=\"\" title=\"\" \/><\/a><p>A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/2118\/relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes\/i-would-have-gotten-out-today\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[222,21],"tags":[62,53,76,154,54],"class_list":["post-2118","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-jokes","category-relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes","tag-car","tag-husband","tag-marriage","tag-sex","tag-wife"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>I would have gotten out today -Family Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/2118\/relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes\/i-would-have-gotten-out-today\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"I would have gotten out today -Family Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. 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We went to the concert, had a bite to eat, and then we drove around for a while until I found a nice dark spot to park. I asked her for a kiss, and she said that first I\u2019d\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Bar Jokes&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Bar Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/bar-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"funny-blonde-parking-2","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/10\/funny-blonde-parking-2.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2021,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/2021\/relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes\/is-your-wife-for-sale\/","url_meta":{"origin":2118,"position":5},"title":"Is your wife for sale?","author":"JokesLab","date":"July 7, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"As US tourists in Lebanon, a man and his wife were sitting outside a souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. \"America,\" the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2118","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2118"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2118\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2118"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2118"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2118"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}