{"id":2106,"date":"2011-10-17T22:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-10-17T22:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/2106\/people-jokes\/how-to-get-into-heaven\/"},"modified":"2011-10-08T14:06:00","modified_gmt":"2011-10-08T14:06:00","slug":"how-to-get-into-heaven","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/2106\/people-jokes\/how-to-get-into-heaven\/","title":{"rendered":"How to get into heaven?"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_6201\" style=\"width: 510px\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\"><a href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/10\/funny-girl-reject-christ-receive-bacon.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-6201\" class=\"size-full wp-image-6201\" title=\"funny-girl-reject-christ-receive-bacon\" src=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/10\/funny-girl-reject-christ-receive-bacon.jpg\" alt=\"funny-girl-reject-christ-receive-bacon\" width=\"500\" height=\"772\" srcset=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/10\/funny-girl-reject-christ-receive-bacon.jpg 500w, https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/10\/funny-girl-reject-christ-receive-bacon-194x300.jpg 194w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-6201\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Kid is kid.<\/p><\/div>\n<p>&#8220;If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?&#8221; I asked the children in my Sunday school class.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;NO!&#8221; the children all answered.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Once more they all answered, &#8220;NO!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?&#8221; I asked them again.<\/p>\n<p>Once more they all answered, &#8220;NO!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Well,&#8221; I continued, thinking they were a good bit more theologically sophisticated than I had given them credit for,&#8221;Then how can I get into heaven?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>A five-year-old boy shouted out, &#8220;<strong>YOU got to be DEAD!<\/strong>&#8220;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<a href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/2106\/people-jokes\/how-to-get-into-heaven\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" src=\"\" class=\"alignleft wp-post-image tfe\" alt=\"\" title=\"\" \/><\/a><p>&#8220;If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?&#8221; I asked the children in my Sunday school class. &#8220;NO!&#8221; the children all &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/2106\/people-jokes\/how-to-get-into-heaven\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[19,201,42,3],"tags":[4,185,589,282,270,54],"class_list":["post-2106","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-campus-jokes","category-church-jokes","category-kids-jokes","category-people-jokes","tag-child","tag-church","tag-classroom","tag-heaven","tag-teacher","tag-wife"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How to get into heaven? 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They are all asked,\"When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?\" The first guy says,\"Iwould like to hear them\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Car Jokes&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Car Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/car-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"sexy-santa-claus-gifts-on-butts","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/sexy-santa-claus-gifts-on-butts.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/sexy-santa-claus-gifts-on-butts.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/sexy-santa-claus-gifts-on-butts.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2106","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2106"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2106\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2106"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2106"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2106"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}