{"id":1870,"date":"2014-05-05T13:45:34","date_gmt":"2014-05-05T13:45:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1870\/relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes\/cannot-go-up-the-chimney\/"},"modified":"2014-04-12T07:59:23","modified_gmt":"2014-04-12T07:59:23","slug":"cannot-go-up-the-chimney","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1870\/relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes\/cannot-go-up-the-chimney\/","title":{"rendered":"Cannot go up the chimney"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Santa is putting presents by the tree when he hears a woman&#8217;s voice say &#8220;Santa will you please come sit with me?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Santa turns and sees a beautiful woman sitting on her couch in a very sexy gown.<\/p>\n<p>Santa says \u201cho ho ho gotta go, kids are waiting on their toys you know.\u201d<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_5780\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><a href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/08\/f3-funny-santa-bigknockers.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-5780\" class=\"size-full wp-image-5780 \" title=\"funny-santa-staring-at-breast\" alt=\"Cannot go up the chimney\" src=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/08\/f3-funny-santa-bigknockers.jpg\" width=\"290\" height=\"370\" srcset=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/08\/f3-funny-santa-bigknockers.jpg 290w, https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/08\/f3-funny-santa-bigknockers-235x300.jpg 235w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 290px) 100vw, 290px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-5780\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Santa is a man, proved!<\/p><\/div>\n<p>So, Santa goes about his work and is putting candy and toys in stockings when he hears the voice again say, \u201cSanta , please come sit with me\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>Santa looks over and now the woman is laying in just her underwear on the couch\u2026.<\/p>\n<p>Again he says, \u201cho ho ho, gotta go, kids are waiting on their toys you know\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>Then Santa goes over and nibbles on a cookie and drinks a sip of his milk when he hears the woman&#8217;s voice one more time\u2026\u2026.\u201dPLEASE SANTA, COME SIT WITH ME\u2026\u2026I&#8217;m so lonely!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Santa takes another peek and this time the woman is totally naked and such a beautiful site\u2026\u2026<\/p>\n<p>He looks down , looks at her again and says, \u201d hey hey hey, gotta stay\u2026..can\u2019t go up the chimney with my dick this way!!!!!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<a href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1870\/relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes\/cannot-go-up-the-chimney\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" src=\"\" class=\"alignleft wp-post-image tfe\" alt=\"\" title=\"\" \/><\/a><p>Santa is putting presents by the tree when he hears a woman&#8217;s voice say &#8220;Santa will you please come sit with me?&#8221; Santa turns and sees a beautiful woman sitting on her couch in a very sexy gown. Santa says &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1870\/relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes\/cannot-go-up-the-chimney\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[195,21],"tags":[949,6,10,209,5,948,33],"class_list":["post-1870","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-christmas-jokes","category-relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes","tag-chimney","tag-christmas","tag-dick","tag-gift","tag-santa","tag-sexx","tag-woman"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Cannot go up the chimney -Christmas Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1870\/relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes\/cannot-go-up-the-chimney\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Cannot go up the chimney -Christmas Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Santa is putting presents by the tree when he hears a woman&#8217;s voice say &#8220;Santa will you please come sit with me?&#8221; Santa turns and sees a beautiful woman sitting on her couch in a very sexy gown. 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They are all asked,\"When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?\" The first guy says,\"Iwould like to hear them\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Car Jokes&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Car Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/car-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"sexy-santa-claus-gifts-on-butts","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/sexy-santa-claus-gifts-on-butts.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/sexy-santa-claus-gifts-on-butts.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/sexy-santa-claus-gifts-on-butts.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1870","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1870"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1870\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1870"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1870"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1870"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}