{"id":1835,"date":"2011-08-12T14:12:21","date_gmt":"2011-08-12T14:12:21","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"2011-08-30T08:22:49","modified_gmt":"2011-08-30T08:22:49","slug":"tips-for-success-in-office","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1835\/office-jokes\/tips-for-success-in-office\/","title":{"rendered":"Tips for success in office"},"content":{"rendered":"

1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they\u2019re heading for the cafeteria.<\/p>\n

People with the newspaper in their hands look like they\u2019re heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.<\/p>\n

\"hair<\/a>

Office hair style<\/p><\/div>\n

2. Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work.<\/p>\n

These aren\u2019t exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they\u2019re not bad either. When you get caught by your boss\u2014and you will get caught\u2014your best defense is to claim you\u2019re teaching yourself to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re not a loafer, you\u2019re a self-starter. Offer to show your boss what you learned. That will make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander.<\/p>\n

3. Keep a messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you\u2019re not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace.voice mail<\/p>\n

To the observer, last year\u2019s work looks the same as today\u2019s work; it\u2019s volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you\u2019ll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he\/she arrives.<\/p>\n

4. Use voice mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don\u2019t call you just because they want to give you something for nothing\u2014 they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That\u2019s the way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail.<\/p>\n

If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour. That way, you\u2019re hardworking and conscientious even though you\u2019re being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that they will give up or look for a solution that doesn\u2019t involve you.<\/p>\n

The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is “Ignore my last message. I took care of it.” If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages.<\/p>\n

Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, “Sorry, this mailbox is full”\u2014a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\"\"<\/a>

1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they\u2019re heading for the cafeteria. People … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[18],"tags":[170,973,577,549,188],"class_list":["post-1835","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-office-jokes","tag-computer","tag-desk","tag-office","tag-telephone","tag-toilet"],"yoast_head":"\nTips for success in office -Office Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1835\/office-jokes\/tips-for-success-in-office\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Tips for success in office -Office Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"1. 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