{"id":1676,"date":"2011-07-23T06:24:07","date_gmt":"2011-07-23T06:24:07","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"2011-07-23T06:24:07","modified_gmt":"2011-07-23T06:24:07","slug":"the-most-venomous-snake","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1676\/relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes\/the-most-venomous-snake\/","title":{"rendered":"The most venomous snake"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Most Venomous Snake In The World<\/p>\n

NAME: “Expecteria Trouserius” (Trouser Snake)
\nLOCATION: Throughout the world<\/p>\n

DESCRIPTION:<\/p>\n

One-eyed, with mushroom-shaped head (other types come with extra layers of skin) Varying from pink to black.
\nFang-less with a highly venomous spit. (Spit can reach distances up to 2-3 feet) Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood & sub-species.<\/p>\n

SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks mainly women in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then a severe swelling followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal.<\/p>\n

Beware: It has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen!<\/p>\n

HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most unusual places.<\/p>\n

ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the venom is injected into the body only drastic measures will ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote for men.<\/p>\n

WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED<\/p>\n

TOURNIQUET: Do not apply a tourniquet as the venom is too deep in the body to be affected.<\/p>\n

CUTTING THE WOUND: This would be completely unnecessary and ineffective as the bleeding will stop after a few weeks anyhow.<\/p>\n

SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most popular with the victim, but so far has not been reported to have led to any success.<\/p>\n

SEARCHING FOR ANTI-VENOM:<\/p>\n

1. Place four fingers of the right hand around the neck of the
\nreptile, with the thumb in the front.<\/p>\n

2. Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards and downwards
\nmotion.<\/p>\n

3. This will result in the snake becoming highly aggressive, very
\nrigid and start spitting.<\/p>\n

4. The time taken for this milking process depends entirely on the milker and the last time the snake attacked.<\/p>\n

5. Once milked, the snake should be harmless for about 20 minutes.<\/p>\n

CONCLUSION: This snake, although it is very aggressive and active, is not necessarily a vermin, and treated with the right respect, makes a wonderful pet.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\"\"<\/a>

The Most Venomous Snake In The World NAME: “Expecteria Trouserius” (Trouser Snake) LOCATION: Throughout the world DESCRIPTION: One-eyed, with mushroom-shaped head (other types come with extra layers of skin) Varying from pink to black. Fang-less with a highly venomous spit. … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[222,21],"tags":[34,438,154,33],"class_list":["post-1676","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-jokes","category-relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes","tag-man","tag-penis","tag-sex","tag-woman"],"yoast_head":"\nThe most venomous snake -Family Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1676\/relationship-marriage-and-sex-jokes\/the-most-venomous-snake\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The most venomous snake -Family Jokes, Relationship, Marriage, and Sex Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The Most Venomous Snake In The World NAME: “Expecteria Trouserius” (Trouser Snake) LOCATION: Throughout the world DESCRIPTION: One-eyed, with mushroom-shaped head (other types come with extra layers of skin) Varying from pink to black. 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