{"id":1363,"date":"2012-12-07T03:08:26","date_gmt":"2012-12-07T03:08:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1363\/people-jokes\/keep-the-egg\/"},"modified":"2012-12-02T13:30:57","modified_gmt":"2012-12-02T13:30:57","slug":"keep-the-egg","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1363\/people-jokes\/keep-the-egg\/","title":{"rendered":"Keep the egg"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-7316\" title=\"kick-your-ass-when-you-take-photo\" src=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/kick-your-ass-when-you-take-photo-400x524.jpg\" alt=\"kick-your-ass-when-you-take-photo\" width=\"400\" height=\"524\" srcset=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/kick-your-ass-when-you-take-photo-400x524.jpg 400w, https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/kick-your-ass-when-you-take-photo-150x196.jpg 150w, https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/kick-your-ass-when-you-take-photo.jpg 447w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/>There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen&#8217;s eggs for breakfast.<\/p>\n<p>One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman&#8217;s garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;In my family,&#8221; the Scotsman said, &#8220;we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up. Then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman found his heaviest pair of boots kicked the Englishman as hard as he could in the balls. The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his nuts and howled in agony for 30 minutes.<\/p>\n<p>Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, &#8220;Now it&#8217;s my turn to kick you.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p><strong>&#8220;Keep the goddamn egg.&#8221;<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<a href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1363\/people-jokes\/keep-the-egg\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" src=\"\" class=\"alignleft wp-post-image tfe\" alt=\"\" title=\"\" \/><\/a><p>There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen&#8217;s eggs for breakfast. One day &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1363\/people-jokes\/keep-the-egg\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[348,22,222,3],"tags":[1015,510,603,320,205],"class_list":["post-1363","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-british-jokes","category-country-jokes","category-family-jokes","category-people-jokes","tag-boot","tag-egg","tag-englishman","tag-hen","tag-scotsman"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Keep the egg -British Jokes, Country Jokes, Family Jokes, People Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1363\/people-jokes\/keep-the-egg\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Keep the egg -British Jokes, Country Jokes, Family Jokes, People Jokes - JokesLab Funniest Jokes\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. 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