{"id":1348,"date":"2013-10-14T05:52:24","date_gmt":"2013-10-14T05:52:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1348\/people-jokes\/murphys-laws-of-combat\/"},"modified":"2013-10-11T08:07:20","modified_gmt":"2013-10-11T08:07:20","slug":"murphys-laws-of-combat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1348\/people-jokes\/murphys-laws-of-combat\/","title":{"rendered":"Murphy&#8217;s laws of combat"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-7572\" alt=\"dog-reading-book-how-to-pick-up-bitches\" src=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/dog-reading-book-how-to-pick-up-bitches-400x524.jpg\" width=\"400\" height=\"524\" srcset=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/dog-reading-book-how-to-pick-up-bitches-400x524.jpg 400w, https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/dog-reading-book-how-to-pick-up-bitches-150x196.jpg 150w, https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/dog-reading-book-how-to-pick-up-bitches.jpg 570w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/>If the enemy is in range, so are you<\/p>\n<p>Incoming fire has the right of way<\/p>\n<p>Don&#8217;t look conspicuous; it draws fire<\/p>\n<p>There is always a way<\/p>\n<p>That way is always mined<\/p>\n<p>Try to look unimportant; they might be low on ammo<\/p>\n<p>What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank<\/p>\n<p>Teamwork is essential; it gives them someone else to shoot at<\/p>\n<p>If orders can be misunderstood they will be<\/p>\n<p>The tank is a monument to the inaccuracy of indirect fire<\/p>\n<p>Odd objects attract fire. You are odd<\/p>\n<p>Your mortar barrage will put exactly one round on the intended target. That round will be a dud<\/p>\n<p>Mine fields are not neutral<\/p>\n<p>If they&#8217;re shooting at you, it&#8217;s a high intensity conflict<\/p>\n<p>The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack<\/p>\n<p>If your attack is going well, it&#8217;s an ambush<\/p>\n<p>Never draw fire, it irritates those around you<\/p>\n<p>When you have secured an area, don&#8217;t forget to tell the enemy<\/p>\n<p>Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder<\/p>\n<p>Friendly fire isn&#8217;t<\/p>\n<p>Never stand when you can sit<\/p>\n<p>Never sit when you can lie down<\/p>\n<p>Never stay awake when you can sleep<\/p>\n<p>A grenade with a 7 second fuse will always burn in 4 seconds<\/p>\n<p>The enemy never watches until you make a mistake<\/p>\n<p>Whenever you are low on ammo, you can never hit anything<\/p>\n<p>The more a weapon costs, the further you will have to send it to be repaired<\/p>\n<p>Interchangeable parts are not<\/p>\n<p>The item you need is always in short supply<\/p>\n<p>The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of it&#8217;s operator<\/p>\n<p>No combat ready group ever passes inspection<\/p>\n<p>No inspection ready group ever survives combat<\/p>\n<p>Peace is our profession, mass murder is just a hobby<\/p>\n<p>All battles are fought at the junction of two or more maps<\/p>\n<p>Things that must be together to work can never be shipped together<\/p>\n<p>If you need an officer in a hurry take a nap<\/p>\n<p>Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both<\/p>\n<p>Tracers work both ways<\/p>\n<p>The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire<\/p>\n<p>The effective killing radius is greater than the average soldier can throw it<\/p>\n<p>Military intelligence is a contradiction of terms<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<a href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1348\/people-jokes\/murphys-laws-of-combat\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" src=\"\" class=\"alignleft wp-post-image tfe\" alt=\"\" title=\"\" \/><\/a><p>If the enemy is in range, so are you Incoming fire has the right of way Don&#8217;t look conspicuous; it draws fire There is always a way That way is always mined Try to look unimportant; they might be low &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1348\/people-jokes\/murphys-laws-of-combat\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[304,18,3],"tags":[876,717],"class_list":["post-1348","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-american-jokes","category-office-jokes","category-people-jokes","tag-murphys-law","tag-war"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.0 - 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The Engineer pulls out a calculator,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Campus Jokes&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Campus Jokes","link":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/cat\/campus-jokes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"funny condom ad, protect yourself from fire","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/08\/funny-condom-ads-swat-protect-yourself-condomshop-300x200.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1551,"url":"https:\/\/jokeslab.com\/jokes\/1551\/people-jokes\/this-is-a-recording\/","url_meta":{"origin":1348,"position":4},"title":"This is a recording","author":"JokesLab","date":"March 23, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"A plane was once flying over an island when the passengers heard the pilot's voice: \u201cLadies & Gentlemen, if you look on the right side of the plane, you'll see an engine on fire. If you look on the left side, you'll see a wing on fire. 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